Wednesday, September 15, 2010


So, now that I have been around for a week, I want to share with you a lesson I have learned: milk, you can't live without it and you can't stay awake with it! Milk creates what people come to know as a milk coma. It's bad stuff if that happens, because then you can't stay awake and watch your surroundings. Milk does good things, but comas I can do without. If you aren't careful Daddy will take your picture. (If you want a copy, ask Daddy!)


Tuesday, September 14, 2010


They are there. They are small, in comparison to Daddy's, but they are there. I want to use them so much, but every time I tell my brain to move them, they simply smack me in the face. They are hands. Glorious hands. I try to grab my binkie, but I end up punching Daddy in the face. I try to hoist myself up, but I get a handful of chest hair. Boy, I sure hope I can get a hang of this. My feet are next.


Sunday, September 12, 2010


Yes. I am diabolical. I love to poop my diaper. Then once changed, I like to do it again. Once done, I like to pee. Oh and also, spit up on everything over and over again. He he he, Mommy and Daddy never had a chance.


Saturday, September 11, 2010

PeePee Teepee

Dear Mommy and Daddy, I just learned how to pee when it gets cold! He he he. Daddy, that will teach you to change my diaper without covering me! I spent my first night at home, and boy it just HAD to be the coldest night in a long time. I was cold and Mommy was cold, but we made it through. All is well, I am now sleeping.

P.S. - it's not a tiny stream, it's a gusher. Fire hoses across America, eat your heart! 1/2 PSI.


Friday, September 10, 2010

I ... HATE ... GAS!

Ouch! That's all I have to say. I woke up last night to Horrendous Gas and diarrhea. There wasn't much Mommy and Daddy could do except stay up with me and pray. At one point Daddy moved my legs back and forth and I exploded on him! It was awesome. Anyways, I am feeling WAY better now and we get to go home today! Woohoo!


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Hello World! Finally!

Well, I am finally here! I made it! I love my Mommy and Daddy. They are so cool. Now, I have to tell you: I AM HUNGRY! I want to say thank you to all the nurses and Drs. who have taken care of me. I want to let you know, I didn't cry because I didn't like you. It wasn't you it was me! I wanted to be with my Mommy. By the way I LOVE to cuddle. It took me a while to write this one because I kept falling asleep at the computer. I couldn't hold my head up. It was easier with amniotic fluid. Anyways, cya!


Monday, September 6, 2010

Ha Ha

Ha Ha! Fooled you! Still here! I guess I should have already come out. Now they are going to force me out. Oh well! See ya soon.


Sunday, September 5, 2010

I Figured It Out! Here I Come!

As the title says: I figured it out! I'm coming out! Now, no one worry, I haven't done this before, but tons of other babies have before. Now, how do I get my head out? See you soon!


Saturday, September 4, 2010

Time Overdue

So I was looking at the eviction notice Grandma gave me and I just realized: I am overdue! Oops. I didn't mean to go this long, I was just perfectly content with staying inside! So here I am just trying to get the last things together. I need to figure out what to wear and then, what am I going to say to Mommy and Daddy when I get out? I don't know, but I have to hurry. Grandma may come and forcibly kick me out! Well, see you soon!


Friday, September 3, 2010

Dr. Appointment

So we have another Dr. appointment today. I don't know what will happen, but they keep poking and prodding me. I really don't like them. Mommy and Daddy are really excited for me to come, but I still don't know what to wear. I don't want to show up naked to my birth day, but I may have to. Things are getting even tighter every day. Well, time to sleep.


Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Serenade

So, Grandma got in yesterday morning. It has been so much fun having her around. I will say, though, it has been a little weird: grandma serenaded me with her Nose Flute. Yes a nose flute. I didn't even know those things existed! I so want to try one when I get out of here! I was so fascinated yesterday that I had one delivered last night. However, I have to tell you, I failed miserably. First, I guess you need air. Amniotic fluid doesn't whistle. Second when you can't control your mouth, it doesn't work. And finally, if you can't control your arms you just kind of smack yourself in the face. So I posted it on eBay. I hope I have one when I get older. Well until tomorrow...


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Getting Grandma

Daddy is going to get Grandma H from the airport this morning so he'll have to help me write more later.


Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Tale of The Carnivorous Baby

Once upon a time, long long ago, there lived a baby, still in the womb, who was called Bater. This baby was special. He was always doing something and loved to hear his Parents' voices. This baby, however, had a very interesting habit: he liked meat at 9:00 in the evening! He would make his Mommy make his Daddy go out and get meat, cheese and bread whenever he was hungry. He was carnivorous. It was soon after that he came into the world, only to find he could only have milk until he was older. Sad. Sad Bater! Now, how can I get the milk with meat supplement?

Still waiting.


Monday, August 30, 2010

Moments of Clarity

Have you ever had a moment in your life when everything just becomes absolutely clear and all makes sense? Well that happened to me last night. Last night I was just sitting there pushing trying to figure out what to do, when all of a sudden it all made perfect sense: I was tuned sideways. I guess in all the hustle and bustle I forgot to make sure my head was always down. I had gotten turned on my side. Well, I'm back to where I should be. I hope to be coming out soon. Remember, it just takes time.


Sunday, August 29, 2010

Happy Week Day! - Due Date

Well, I am 40 weeks today! Wow. I am almost 20 inches long and weigh about like a small pumpkin. I am slowly making my way down. I guess I am supposed to come today, but I don't know if I am done or not. Anyways, I got an eviction notice from Grandma as well. Just this morning. It says, and I quote:

Final Eviction Notice. Please note that you have be given your final notice to vacate premises of mommy. Failure to do so will cause mass anxiety in grandparents and relatives alike.

I think she means business!


Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Wonderful World of Markers

So yesterday Mommy was organizing her markers. I was looking out through the UMBCam, and WOW, she has a LOT of markers! I really want to get out now! I moved down a little more because of it, but I am still a little hesitant about it. We'll see what happens. Anyways, time to sleep.


Friday, August 27, 2010

Getting On Mommy's Nerves

So this will be a quick one. I am getting on Mommy's nerves. Literally. I am kicking, and by accident I am running into the nerves in her legs. Sorry Mommy! I'm just trying to get down, but you keep getting in the way. Oh well, at least you know I am consistant.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

On Sale Now...The Bater Snow Globe!

Get them now while supplies last! The new Bater Snow Globes! These are very unique: the baby just floats in the water. When you turn it over and over, the baby stays where he's at! Well it turns out...I am in a LOT of water. The Dr. examined me yesterday and when she would push on me I would just float away! I think I have an answer as to why...I didn't want to say anything but... Last week I was doing some dancing when I backed into the kitchen faucet and the faucet busted! Water went everywhere. I got it turned off but Mommy wouldn't let anything in that I could clean with, so now I am just floating around in my own personal swimming pool. Now, if I could find some white flakes that don't melt in water, and are biodegradable, then I would be the first baby snow globe in the world! Oh well, I guess I should just pop the bubble and let some water out.


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Slept In

So I just realized...I slept in! I slept the whole day through yesterday! I couldn't believe it. I woke up last night to a wonderful surprise...Ice cream. Mommy had some ice cream so I let her know I liked it...then she bribed me to come out. She bribed me with more ice cream. Well...maybe it is worth it.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

TIRED...The Tale of The Party

So I am sooooo tired! Last night, I stayed up all night kicking and moving as I was partying for the last time! I am now really tired! I have also worked my way lower in Mommy's tummy. I hope I get to where I should be today. I look forward to putting a face to my Mommy and Daddy's voices. Well, I'm tired. Time to sleep. Until tomorrow!


Monday, August 23, 2010


Ok. I think I got it. So, Grandma sent me an email yesterday, saying how I need to come now. She said that I need to pack everything up and just leave. I responded saying I couldn't figure out which way to go. She finally sent some instructions. She said take my USB key and drop it. Which ever way it falls, head that way and head towards the light. Well it worked...sort of. Every time I dropped it, Mommy would laugh and it would float and jostle and just not fall. I followed it one time and I found the blood didn't rush to my head. I realized then that I was positioned the correct way before. So I went back and started squirming and trying to head towards the light...then the light went out. It was night time. Oh well...guess I will try a little later today.


Sunday, August 22, 2010

Happy Week Day - 1 / 7

Happy Week Day all! This is it! My due date is in 7 days! Woohoo! I still want to come earlier, but we will see. I am more than 20 inches long and weigh a little more than 7 pounds. I'm about like a mini watermelon. So it is now just a waiting game! I have watched and re-watched the baby exiting video. It's a video that trains babies how to drop! Keep your hands and feet in at all times. Don't forget to pull the rip cord...well it's not perfect, it was adapted from a military training video for parachuting! So I am ready! I'm just waiting for the green light. I just wish I could see farther than 6 inches in front of me! I may be getting the green light already, but I wouldn't know. I also don't know what green is! Well have a good one, hope to see you all soon.


Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Proverbial Toothpick

I stuck a toothpick in me and it came out clean! I think I'm done. Last night Mommy and Daddy were over at Pyler and Widgie's house and boy were they laughing. Did you know it get's tight in here when Mommy laughs? Well, it turns out that I may not have to endure that any more. I have decided to come out. When? I don't know. But it will be in the next month! Anyways, I think I will stay here and sleep! Until tomorrow.


Friday, August 20, 2010

The Almost

So last night was a night of weirdness. It was a night of Almost Lunacy, a night of Almost Contractions and a night of Almost Hysteria. It was a night of Laughter. There I was, listening to Mommy and Daddy talking in the car when all of a sudden Mommy was laughing uncontrollably. Turns out Daddy made a funny. He asked her if something was normal in pregnancy. She replied:"Who knows with pregnancy?" Upon which Daddy immediately replied:"The Shadow Knows!" Mommy was laughing for a whole 2-3 minutes. I almost wanted to run right out of here. It was very tight. I don't get the joke though. I turned to my shadow and asked him if he knew what was happening...but he just stared back. I don't know about these people, I will need to examine them when I get out of here.


Thursday, August 19, 2010


Mommy...I'm sorry, but I just can't figure out how to get out of here. All yesterday you tried getting me to move more to the middle of your stomach, but I just can't figure out how to get out! I need instructions. Now, all of you have been in my position before, how did you do it? I need help. Should I break the water first or should I simply descend first. And by the way, which way is down. Up has always been above my head but now I am not sure. Love you Mommy. Coming soon.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Oops! It Should Be 350 Not 35 Degrees

So Mommy and I had a Dr.'s appointment yesterday. I'm still here! Turns out that I am still soupy in the middle. Someone turned the oven down to 35 degrees instead of 350. I think I did that when I was break dancing the other night. Well, that means I have to turn the oven up to at least 450. the midwife says I am sure I will be born in 30 days. Until then, happy cooking! Now where's my basting brush?


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My Kryptonite!

My name is Bater, and I have a weakness. Yesterday was a day of weakness for me. I found out that I can be easily manipulated. I found out that Mommy and Daddy love to manipulate me. I found out that I am ticklish! Mommy kept tickling me along my spine. I couldn't help but move! It felt so good and yet there was nothing I could do but move! It was my Kyptonite! There I admit it. I am a tickle-holic. Now, where is that back scratcher?


Monday, August 16, 2010

Stretch Fest 2010

So yesterday was the world wide baby Stretch Fest 2010! all of the babies around the world at 10:00 am and on, stretched over and over for 3 hours. We could stretch in different ways and in different positions. I did the tiger stretch and lotus open stretch. Mommy didn't like it. Sorry again Mommy. You know, this being all out of space in here is really cramping my style! Oh well, I will just need to start coming.


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Happy Week Day - 2

Happy Week Day all! Yep still here. Daddy kept saying 14 but I didn't listen to him! I listened to Mommy...she feeds me. Anyways, I am about the size of a leek, 19 1/2 inches long, and weigh 6.8 pounds. It is all just a waiting game now! I guess yesterday, I was in the wrong position, the back of my head was down, so as I was kicking, I was hurting Mommy. Sorry Mommy! Anyways, I think I am the right way now, we will see. Well, like I said, now it all depends on Mommy and I getting our signals straight! I wanna get out of here! It is REALLY tight. Oh well, I guess I should sleep more. Oh and Daddy kept talking about using my egg tooth! Silly Daddy...I looked that up on google, only animals in eggs need one of those! I don't have one. Anyways, time to wait.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Final Eviction Notice

So I guess this is it! This morning I received a final eviction notice from Mommy. She says there is no more room and that she hurts. She wants her body back. has been a wonderful 9 months! I have learned so much and trained hard. I have done quite a bit. Seen a lot and had fun. I guess I need to pack up and start getting born. I hope to see you all real soon.


P.S. - I just read that I have until the end of the month. Good thing I didn't push the birth button just now!

Friday, August 13, 2010

So You Think You Can Nap?

I love nap time! I love the show: So You Think You Can Dance! Yesterday was just so much fun. Mommy and I went shopping with Pyler and Widgie and just had a great time. We finished and then went home and napped. It was blissful. Just so happy. Well, then we watched a show called: So You Think You Can Dance. I totally agree that Lauren deserved to win. Anyways, after thinking about it I have determined to make my own TV show: So You Think You Can Nap! Each week, the contestants will be given a different position in which to nap and a different sleep condition to sleep with: i.e. napping with your feet in the air while snoring at the top of your lungs. We could have judges and everything! More points for authenticity. I like it. Well, time to nap while on my head with water around me(not for long though).


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Why The Water Breaks

So I think I have discovered the reason why the water breaks: madness! Madness is what will bring us together! You see, I have been upside down now for over a month! The sack is getting smaller and smaller and quite frankly, I have to stretch more and more to get comfortable! All of this together will result in my punching a whole in the water sack! I've been training for it for a while. Mommy keeps feeling me wiggle and wiggle and really it's just me trying to get out of here! But don't worry, one of these days it will happen and I will be born. At least that's the plan. Maybe it will take another year? ;)


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Scheduling Problems

So...if you haven't noticed I kind of want out of here. Well, there is just one minor problem...I have been delayed! I am in position and on the proverbial tarmac, but I hate to say it: I can't go anywhere! Turns out there are TONS of babies in the neighborhood that all being born this month. I am waiting until I get a birthday all to myself! (the 18th sounds good) (Mommy said that, it is stricken again!) I am ready. Mommy is ready. Daddy is impatient, yet we wait...endlessly....until I am 90 years old....oh well time to sleep!


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Impatient Waiting!

So it has come to my attention that you all are VERY excited and impatient for me to arrive! Mommy and Daddy are hinting to what day they want me to come. Grandmas and Grandpas are completely and most obviously excited with text after text. I am now putting my cord down: I will come when I come! (14 is a good number!) Pardon, that was a Daddy moment, I have stricken it from the record! Anyways, I will come when I come and it will be soon, but I will not tell you when!


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Oops! No More Water Fights!

Soooooo...yesterday I made an oops. There I was in the morning, with some friends, having a water fight. One of the water balloons got loose! Sorry Mommy! She thought her water broke. Well, I have dropped and things are progressing quite well. Things are getting tighter, I may be coming soon, but for now...I will sleep.


Happy Week Day - 3

Happy Week Day All! Guess what? That's right, 3 weeks to go! I am 6 1/3 pounds now and the length of a Swiss chard stalk, about 19 inches. I am excited! I have loved it in here, but you know what, I'm done. I think I will start the process early...sssshhhhhhh don't tell Mommy. I want it to be a surprise! Anyways, yesterday was a good day. I slept and Daddy came home from his Lighting class and just spent time with Mommy and me. He rubbed my back and some times it tickled. Well time to sleep some more and finish getting ready for my big day. It takes a long time, it's kind of crowded in here.


Saturday, August 7, 2010

Mommy And I

So everyone has left. Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt E. We are alone. Me and Mommy. I am glad. It was really hard to be around that many people, but it was fun. So NOW I am going back to my sleeping schedule. It's important to sleep because I am coming soon. Well, until tomorrow.


Friday, August 6, 2010

Who's Yo Daddy!?

So...Daddy is just plain weird! If you didn't know that...well believe it! I have irrefutable proof. Last night, I was asleep. I had been the whole day. I was tired. So Mommy, Aunt E, Grandma and Grandpa, and Daddy were all playing UNO attacks. As we were playing, Mommy was laughing as usual. I was content just sleeping. All of a sudden, Daddy leans over and says, in his best deep voice, who's yo Daddy? He said it right into my ear! It was nuts! It made NO sense! He knows who my Daddy is! Why would he say such things? So I googled it makes sense...Americana is just plain weird!


Who's Yo Daddy!?

So...Daddy is just plain weird! If you didn't know that...well believe it! I have irrefutable proof. Last night, I was asleep. I had been the whole day. I was tired. So Mommy, Aunt E, Grandma and Grandpa, and Daddy were all playing UNO attacks. As we were playing, Mommy was laughing as usual. I was content just sleeping. All of a sudden, Daddy leans over and says, in his best deep voice, who's yo Daddy? He said it right into my ear! It was nuts! It made NO sense! He know who my Daddy is! Why would he say such things? So I googled it makes sense...Americana is just plain weird!


Thursday, August 5, 2010

Movements In A Confined Space

So I just want to let you know that I now have NO privacy what so ever! I am so cramped that when I move you can see everything I do! This was a new concept to me, so I simply slept all day yesterday. Anyways, I am doing well beyond that. Mommy and Daddy finished their birthing class yesterday so they are now certified to have me! It always feels good to know that your Mommy and Daddy have no clue about what is about to happen to them! ;) I love you Mommy! Don't worry I will go easy on you! I will only fill my diapers 2 times a day instead of 3.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010


There are many of you out there who want me to come early. Sooner rather than later. I would LOVE to get out of here now as I am very cramped. However, Mommy is teaching me patience. She has placed her proverbial finger in the cake and determined I am still doughy inside. Alas, I will come when my thermometer sticks out. Please for the love of Mommy, vote for me to come around my due date. Thank you.

(This has been a message sponsored by Mother's Against Young Birthing Enough. This does not represent the views of those who own and operate baterepistles.)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


It's official. I am ticklish! I didn't even know what that was until my Aunt was rubbing my back and then...wham! I jerked. It was the weirdest sensation. It felt strange and I twitched without telling my body to twitch. It was euphoric though. If this is how life is going to be, let the birthing begin! Just so you know...I am NOT ticklish right below Mommy's belly button. ;)


Monday, August 2, 2010

The Bouncing Ball of Doom

So lately, Mommy has been bouncing on a Yoga ball all the time she sits at the table. I think she wants to accustom me to it in case I cry when I get out. Well, that is all fine and dandy, except for one minor problem: it amplifies the sounds around me! Last night when Daddy made a loud noise I jerked! The sound was so loud. I couldn't figure out why until I realized it came from the ball which is right by my head. So for all you Daddys out there, please, be softer when around the bouncing ball of doom.


Sunday, August 1, 2010

Happy Week Day - 4

It's official. I am 36 weeks...9 months... Or however you want to look at it! I am gaining 1 oz of weight every day! I am also 18 1/2 inches long. Guess what? I am almost ready! There are so many things that Mommy thinks she needs to do, but you know what, it's ok! I love you Mommy! Anyways, I have been moving like crazy lately. Last night, as Mommy was laying down, I realized that I was a little chubby, so I started doing crunches. Up down. Up down. It must have looked crazy from outside. Daddy makes it sound like I am a shark...retiring to the deep then surfacing for a frenzy. That's right I am the rare and elusive bater shark!


Saturday, July 31, 2010

Pushing Exercises

So I am cramped. I am completely cramped. I decided that I need to take up the long honored tradition of stretching like crazy. I am pushing and pushing on Mommy trying to stretch her stomach so I can get just a few more inches. I think I am going to have to sell all my stuff because there is no more room. I will keep the computer, but past that there just isn't anymore room. Now, where can I shove the couch to get some sleep?


Friday, July 30, 2010

Ooey Gooey Yumminess

Daddy is lucky he got some! Yesterday, I had some yummy gooey rice crispy treats! Oh what Euphoria! Mommy made some and the Marshmallow and crispiness, it was almost too much to handle! I love them. Would I could I eat them in a womb? Would I could I while on a loom? I can! I will! Now what about chocolate? That would be awesome! Time for some more goodies.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Tomatoes: A Love Hate Relationship

So the longer I am in here, the longer I have to get fussy. Yesterday I decided that when Mommy eats tomatoes, I don't want anything to do with them! I used to like them, but now, I kind of want something different. What it is? I don't know, but meat might be a good thing! Anyways, I am moving and squirming and just having a good time. At night I like to drop and then in the morning climb back up. It's easier to ascend when Mommy is on her back. Well, I'm tired so I am going to sleep.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Secret Post

So Mommy and I are in the mountains again and Daddy is at home, so I snuck away from Mommy just to write for you all. Well, all is well. I am moving more and more because it is getting more and more uncomfortable in here! Yesterday, I was asleep in the morning when all of a sudden I heard Daddy cough really loud! It startled me so I jumped. It was the first time I responded to a loud noise by Daddy. I hope I don't keep it up, I can only imagine what his sneezes are like without the protection of the womb. Well, that should be it...I need to get back to Mommy. The umbilical cord can only reach so far.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Descending And Ascending

So I am nervous! Yesterday, I dropped down a little bit. I thought it was kind of cool, but then, sheer panic came to me...I don't want to get out yet! So all day yesterday I squirmed and squirmed and fought and fought to get back up...and this morning it worked! I am SOOOOOOO tired! Mommy and Daddy kept feeling me move a WHOLE lot yesterday, but today, I am going to sleep. It takes a lot out of you when you descend and ascend over and over...I don't know if I will be able to do it again. I'm getting heavier and heavier with each day. Time to sleep!


Monday, July 26, 2010

Surprise Buttons

So I have seen some really cool things in my short little span in Mommy's tummy. I have seen all sorts of animals, different people and of course I have seen some fun things as well. I really like helium filled balloons! I like watching them fill up and swell. Well you can only imagine my joy when I found a new button I never knew exist! I pressed it and like magic Mommy's feet were instantly swollen! It was awesome! I can do all sorts of stuff with this button! I'm sooooooo excited! I guess it is hereditary as Grandpa told us about Mommy causing grandma's ankles to swell to 11 inches around! Now, where should I put my head to make both swell at the same time?


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Happy Week Day! - 5

Happy Week Day! 5 weeks left! Can you believe it! Well...if you could stick a fork in me...I would be done! That's right. All my internal organs are done...I'm just putting weight on now. I am 18 inches long and weigh about 5 1/4 pounds about like a Honey dew melon. I can't believe I am so close! I'm excited! I want to be out of here so bad. Yesterday Mommy and Daddy and I were all up at the cabin with Family. I didn't say much because well, one I can't but two, I am coming into a VERY large extended family! Wow! Anyways, I just didn't move very much, I just stayed still and listened. I am so excited to be able to go to the cabin and see and hear the river for myself! Mommy stuck her feet in the river and it was very cold. I could feel it coming up her legs, it was so refreshing! Well, time to sleep, because that is about the only thing I can do right now!


A 2 Fer

So this is the 2 fer. I was up in the mountains with no internet yesterday, so today you get two entries fer the price of one! Friday was interesting. Grandma and Grandpa left to the cabin around 2 and so Mommy and I stayed home for Daddy to come home. He got home around 5:30. Well, Mommy and I just napped until he got home. We then woke up and headed to the cabin! I was so excited! Stay tuned for the next episode to find out what happens!


Friday, July 23, 2010

Baby Shower.......Evil!

SOOOOOOOOO, I just want to say one thing....Baby showers...they are very evil! Yesterday, Mommy had her baby shower, and I have determined that I really don't like them. This is because, what I have determined is that the only reason Baby Showers exist is to encourage the baby to come! They give you all sorts of things just for you, but you are stuck inside! This is so sad....I think I will need to come early because I got some incredible stuff. Now....where is the emergency eject button?


P.S. - I just got reprimanded by my Great Aunt for my verbage agreement. I guess I will just has to make sure my verbs agree.
P.S.S - I just got reprimanded was verb and subject agreement. Grrr...
P.P.T.P - I wonder what a Pee Pee Tee-Pee is for?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

First Contact

So I met my grandparents last night, there was just one minor little problem: I was asleep! They got in late last night and I had been SO excited to meet them all day long that I had burned all my energy before they got here! Man...that's a bummer! I did get the hiccups so grandma felt me doing that, but I just couldn't stay awake. I need to work on that. Can you just see me making first contact with like say an alien and then: bam! I'm asleep! I sure hope I'm not narcoleptic. That would tota .... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Today Is a Big Day

Today is a big day! I get to meet my grandparents for the first time! I slept a WHOLE lot yesterday just so that I could be ready for today. I want to be able to move a lot for grandma and maybe a little for grandpa...if he asks nicely! ;) Anyways, I am excited! Tomorrow is the baby shower where I get all sorts of gifts I can't play with! You know...having opposable thumbs is cooler when you can actually control them! Well, time to sleep and be all presentable for my grandparents.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sick And Whiny Daddy

So Daddy is sick! He has been sick for 5 days now. Ge got sick and now just hangs around the house. I hope he feels better soon. Well, I'm excited because my auntie E is coming home on Thursday from being in Paraguay. I have missed her. Also I get to meet my maternal grandparents for the first time tomorrow! I'm excited. Well off I go to have fun and sleep!


Monday, July 19, 2010

Mommy's Relaxing... I'm Break Dancing

So last night Mommy and Daddy were practicing her relaxing deeper and deeper and I found a great activity to do when she is relaxed: break dancing! So there she was all relaxed. The tummy muscles were completely relaxed. I started by moving back and forth just to feel how much room I had to move. Then I did it! I did the head spin! It was awesome. Just call me Lil Bater B. I could do that all day if I wanted to, however once she stopped, things got tighter again and so I drifted back to sleep. Oh well!


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Happy Week Day! - 6

6 weeks left! Man this is crazy! Did you know I am now 4 3/4 pounds about like a cantaloupe! I am growing like a weed and am about 18 inches long. The last few days Mommy has been feeling me turn over and kind of jerk every now and then. Well that is because I am having dreams more and more. I am dreaming about all sorts of things. Drooling, teething, my first Mac computer. It's gonna be great! Well more and more I am getting ready for getting out of here. In a few days I'm going to have a yard sale. I will let you all know what happens with that! Well, time to sleep!


Saturday, July 17, 2010

Ode To The Sticky Bun

Sticky. Oh so sticky. Bun made of bread. Yum. Oh so Yummy! Sugar. Sweet sugar. Food that is so good.
(other babies snapping fingers as an applause).

Mommy made THE most delicious food yesterday. It was called: sticky buns! I like them a lot. Did you know when I get sugar in me I start to flip and flop around? Mmmmm...I like sticky buns.


Friday, July 16, 2010

The Circle of Life

Yesterday was a sleeping day. I am going through another growth spurt! I wanted to explain how the circle of life is for a baby. First, it begins in the womb. We: eat, sleep and grow. We are then born. We: eat, sleep and poop. We hit toddler age and we: eat, sleep and walk. A little later we: eat, sleep and talk. When we are a teenager we: eat, sleep and ... Nothing really. When we go on a mission we: eat, sleep and grow. Do you notice a pattern? I just wanted to point out that I am normal. Time to sleep!


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Clothing Eulogy

Yesterday, July 14, 2010, my Mommy and I were buried clothing. We are survived by Daddy. It was a sad day. Mommy and I did laundry. She kept washing and washing more and more of my clothes. There was no couch left. It wasn't until later in the day when we realized that we were buried alive! All I can think now is: how am I going to be able to fit all of those on me at once! It's just not possible! Anyways, the majority of the clothes are 0-6 months so I only have to be buried until I out grow I am going to pack the pounds on while in here to be out of the pile in the shortest amount of time! Well better start eating!


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Jello Mold

So when Mommy laughs I look like a jello mold! It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that Daddy makes Mommy laugh ALL the time! Last night Mommy and I were laying down on a couch and Daddy said something funny. Along comes the earthquake as Mommy laughs and as well, there I am just sticking out on top of Mommy with her tummy wrapped around me! I look like a jello mold! Oh well, if anything it just reminds people that I am still in here.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Having a Swim

So yesterday we went swimming. It was a lot of fun! Can you just imagine being inside water when you are already inside water? It was kind of weird. I held my breath for over an hour! We went swimming with friends and all was good. After the pool we went and played some games. Mommy went shopping with a friend and picked up more last minute items for when I come. I love my Mommy, she's so excited for me to come. She even gives me a massage each's really nice. Anyways, time to sleep!


Monday, July 12, 2010

Exhaustion Sets In

Yesterday I didn't do hardly anything at all. I slept! It was good to sleep, I needed it. Turns out, now that Mommy is out of classes, I was just exhausted, so I slept all day yesterday! There was plenty of things going on all around me...nursery, dinner, and a birthday party, but I wanted to sleep. You see, when you are about to go through another growth spurt, you need all the energy you can get! Now where is that pillow shaped like a spleen?


Sunday, July 11, 2010

Happy Week Day! - 7

Happy Week Day all! Wow! We are down to 7 weeks to go. I am a little over 4 pounds and 17 inches long. My skeleton is hardening and my saggy skin is filling in. Over this past week, I went to the Dr. and they measured me as being 2cm bigger than I should be. So really, I think I am ahead of schedule! This is great! Life is great! I get to do all sorts of things in here, however, I am REALLY cramped! Oh well! Anyways, I am starting to respond more and more to Daddy's voice and Mommy's sitting up. Whenever she sits up and leans over I get squished! So I push back. to sleep I go. 'Til tomorrow.


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Interference with UMBCam

So I broke out the old UMBCam to get some pictures of the outside world. Well, there was a very strange distortion! I could look out through the view finder and the top portion of the image was giving me a glare! No matter what I did I got glare. Well I spoke with Mommy and it turns out that her belly button is beginning to pop out, but not in an expected way...just the top part is sticking out. She has a ridge formed along the top. That is what is making the glare. So I couldn't take my pictures. Oh well, I will be out of here soon enough, I guess I can wait.


Friday, July 9, 2010

An Awesome Ride

Yesterday, I was cleaning up my house, getting ready for the big move in a few weeks, and I needed to wax the flooring. So I went and rented a buffer. I have to tell you...IT...WAS...SOOOOOOO much fun! There I was ready to start it up. I started it and VRRRRR it was going. But there was one minor problem, I was on top! I was spinning and spinning around and around! It was so cool! I turned it off for a second and waited then did it again and again. There was one issue with that though...I distracted Mommy. She was in class! Oops! Sorry Mommy! But boy...that was an awesome ride.


Thursday, July 8, 2010

Drum on Me...When You Are Bored

This is a message from the Babies Against Stomach Drumming: please stop. Yesterday Mommy started drumming on her tummy making sounds that were weird for her but strange for me! She would hit the side that I wasn't on and it would make a deep hollow sound that kinda freaked me out. Then she would tap the other side, the one with me in it, and she would hear a non hollow kind of sound. Now, I'm ok usually with this, but yesterday it was in the middle of my manners lessons. Do you know how hard it is to hold a teacup with your pinky finger up while someone keeps tapping you on the head? Well, had to reschedule my manners session, I hope I can get that pinky thing, it took me forever just to hold the cup!


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Growth Spurt - Before and After

So...I am growing like crazy! You know that growth spurt I just went through? Well I am now 2 cm larger than expected. That means, I just went to the doctor's office yesterday, and they measured Mommy's stomach. I was supposed to be 32 cm and I was in fact 34 cm. I need to stop and think about this. As a secret between me and the Internet...I'm a little older than they think I am. I'm planning on the middle of august or so...but don't tell anyone! Anyways, I thought you might like some before and after growth spurt shots! The first is about 1 week ago, the second is last night. Enjoy!


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Getting Comfortable in my Skin

So...over the last couple of days, I have been moving like crazy! Part of it is because Mommy keeps using me as a book rest and the other part is because I am just not comfortable in my skin! It is still sagging off of me, gradually filling in, but boy does it itch! I have to keep moving over and over again to keep it from itching. Oh well! Also, last night, Mommy and Daddy had Family Home Evening and discussed different things. Well I overheard them and they are doing a family challenge! They want to read the Book of Mormon in 40 days. They want to do it before I come. So that is 13 pages a day! Hope they make it! If you all want to join in, you are welcome to! As for me? I still can't see the writing on the wall! My vision is like 20/4000 so I will wait until I get out of here.


Monday, July 5, 2010

Limited Space with Hiccups

Well, yesterday was a first. I got the hiccups and Mommy laughed at me! I know it wasn't because I had the hiccups, but rather it was because when I hiccuped, my leg would kick as well. Her stomach would go out about an inch or so. She said that it was so crazy, she just couldn't help but laugh. Well, it's true, it would be funny, but I am DEFINITELY feeling cramped in here! Anyways, we are up early today, we are going to go and watch a friend run a 5k. This will be interesting. Well, until tomorrow!


Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy Week Day! - 8

Happy Week Day all! 8 weeks left! Wow! Well, I weigh 4 pounds today, about like a large jicama, and I am about 16.7 inches long. It is REALLY getting cramped in here. Over the next 7 weeks, Mommy will be gaining at least a pound a week in weight, but half of that will be because of me! I'm bulking up. My coach says to start eating more and bulk up for energy and preparation to head on out! Well, you won't believe it...I have fingernails and toenails now. I even have this weird stuff on the top of my head... It's hair...or I think some people call it peach fuzz! Anyways, time for Mommy to get up and me to sleep.


Saturday, July 3, 2010


So I hear that tomorrow is the 4th of July. I've also been told that during the evenings of several days this weekend there will be loud noises and flashing lights. I guess they are called fireworks. I need to Google them some more. Anyway, I'm a little nervous about the noise. Are these people crazy?!? Have you not felt the boom? I mean think about it, I'm in a water bubble. Whenever a big sound goes off I shake all over. And the kind that make the loudest boom are Mommy's favorites. I'm not so sure how I feel about all this..... Time to strap myself down and wait for the ride. This is going to be a blast!


Friday, July 2, 2010

Lessons From a Car

So yesterday was not one of my best days. It started out with Mommy being in a car. In the morning, she was sitting in such a way, I was getting squished. So I kicked her. She didn't respond so I kicked again. Finally, she wouldn't move so I gave her the biggest kick I could. That wasn't good. I kicked so hard upward that I hit my head downward. Lesson 1: don't do that.
Well towards the end of the day, we had to take my aunt to the airport. So there I am minding my own business when I start to get really hot! The temperature was climbing and climbing. It was driving me crazy! I looked around and around trying to see what was causing this. All I could see was a bright light and kept hearing in my head: don't head towards the light! Finally it stopped. Lesson 2: keep Mommy's tummy out of the sun when in the car.
I learned so much I need to sleep.


Thursday, July 1, 2010

Energy Is My Friend! and I cannot lie. No other baby can deny. The chocolate and the blueberry and the poppyseed say eat me for some energy! - (reworked lyrics to a popular song...ask daddy to sing it if you don't know the song)

Well, I did it again, I drained Mommy. I can't help it! I consume energy when I get nervous! Here I am coming up on 32 weeks and I have nothing to wear! People keep saying don't worry, no one else is wearing clothes. Well, just because they aren't does that mean I shouldn't either? Well, I will have to curb my consuming for a bit...otherwise I can't get around.


Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Glorious Body Pillow

I had a new experience last night. Mommy gave me a pillow. She has laid me on a pillow before, but this one is a body pillow and it wraps around me and holds me all nice and all. It feels like I'm in the womb again! Wait...I am in the womb...nevermind. Anyways, I really like it. It's nice and soft and takes up half the bed. Daddy has to sleep on the edge. He he! Well, time to hit the body pillow.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Training For the Boston Marathon

So yesterday, while Mommy was in class, I decided that it was time for me to train for the Boston marathon. I started by stretching, trust me it's important. I then started with a simple slow jog. I warmed up and then did dashes and long distance runs. The whole time, Mommy was holding onto her stomach trying to keep from being jostled around. Sorry Mommy! Secretly, between you and me, I think she liked it. Anyways, now I am SORE! I can't feel my toes...wait never mind, I found them. Well until tomorrow!


Monday, June 28, 2010

A Heeling Experience

Yesterday, Mommy and I played a game that was really fun. It was new and exciting. It was a heeling experience. Since I am on my head now, I have to have more room. I can't just sit here and do nothing. So I started pushing upwards with my heel.
Mommy didn't like that. So, as a result, she pushed down on my heel and tried to stop me from pushing on her ribs. So there is our game. I try to kick her in the ribs and she tries to defend. So far Mommy has won. But I will win, shortly.


Sunday, June 27, 2010

Happy Week Day! - 9

Happy week day all! 9 weeks left! I am 16 inches long and 3.3 pounds today. I am starting to feel the fat filling in my skin and feeling a growth spurt coming on! Well, I have to tell you, I don't like hiccups. I had them last night and they just kept going and going. I tried to relax, but I think I inherited my Daddy's hiccups. Well, I'm going to go sleep them off.


Saturday, June 26, 2010

Roller-Coaster Red Head Syndrome

I love making up different games to keep me busy in here. I have played all sorts of games and the latest is Roller Coaster. It's where I pretend that I am on a roller coaster and go up and down. Well, I was playing it the other day, and like the pictures I've seen on google, I put my hands up and leaned forward to act like I was going down hill. Well, that did it! Mommy moved and NOW I am upside down on my head. Seeing as there is not a whole lot of room to reposition myself, I am now stuck. Well guess what? My head is now red! Blood is rushing to my head . I'm trying to not black out, so I am moving a whole lot more. Oh well! What can you do? It's kind of hard to type upside down too, so I'm going to have someone come and install a keyboard upside down for me. I would do it myself but my foot is in the way! Yeah go figure.


Friday, June 25, 2010


Mommy had enrichment night last night. I like enrichment night. They gave her a decadent, google helped with that word, cupcake! Hmmmm! It had a creamy filling, a sugar cookie on top and a rich thick frosting with a strawberry on top. It was so good. Did I mention I like strawberry jam? It's so yummy! Well, after I had that, I stretched a little, making Mommy uncomfortable, and then went to sleep. Hmmmmm, cup-cake! Time to dream.


Thursday, June 24, 2010

My First Break Dancing Lesson

It was sooooooo cool! In honor of so you think you can dance, I had a friend come over and give me a lesson in break dancing. Well, it was awesome. I learned how to spin on my head. I would twirl and twirl. I had to be careful though, I kept hitting Mommy! Oops! Anyways, all was fine and dandy until I stopped...I got the hiccups! Grrrrrrrrrr..... I hate those things. Well they finally stopped and I went to sleep. Now I get to do it again.

- Bater

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Baby Handled

I have to say, NEVER in my whole entire growing process have I EVER been so treated poorly than yesterday! Mommy had her 2 week check up yesterday, and as such, all was fine. Until the midwife asked for mommy to sit back and let her examine Mommy's tummy. Well, then it happened. There I was, in the bathroom, yes I was in a very vulnerable position, when all of sudden the midwife started to Baby Handle me! She pushed and squeezed and just made me uncomfortable! I couldn't believe it! I was SOOOOOOO mad that I let Mommy know I was NOT happy! I pushed every button I have and at the same time. Mommy was sorry it happened, so she promised me a hamburger for dinner. It was good! Daddy makes a mean hamburger! Well all is well again, I am just going to sleep this awful experience away.

- Bater

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

How Much Is That Bater In The Window?

How much is that Bater in the window?
The one with the wiggly toes.
With his buttons he pushes,
Mommy cries when he presses.
How much can this Bater be?

Well...I found some new buttons in the control room. I can make Mommy cry and get angry or sad or all three at once! I accidentally kicked in the wall last night and triggered all three. Oops! I'll try not to do that again.

- Bater

Monday, June 21, 2010

The New Bater Work Out Series

Are you a flabby baby wanting to look more lean? When you wake up in the womb, can you only kick for 2 hours at a time? When some one puts their hand on your Mommy's tummy, do you get frustrated that you can only kick weakly and not get them to remove their hand? Well, if that is true, you need help! I'm Bater. Over the last few weeks, I have developed a special technique that allows me to hone my skills and learn how to effectively communicate from within the womb. I want to share my skills with you! There are things like: the coordinated hand foot kick turn! The undulating fists of fury and the powerful heel of rib! I will teach it all! Now, "How much is it?" you ask yourself. Is it $1200? Nope. Is it $500? Nope. If you act now, you can get my whole workout for a simple easy hand on the stomache! Mommy's are standing by.

- Bater

P.S. - I thought about taking money, but the bills just wouldn't fit in Mommy's bellybutton.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Week Day! - 10

Happy Week Day! 10 weeks to go! I am 15.7 inches long now and weigh 3 pounds. About like a cabbage! Anyway, Daddy was flashing a light at me last night on Mommy's tummy. I could see it moving! Can you believe that?my eyes are developing well. Anyways, still cleaning up and preparing for August. The amniotic fluid has now stopped increasing and more and more of it is being consumed by me. So, I have a hunch I am going to be feeling more and more of Daddy's hand on Mommy's tummy. Oh well. Anyways, I'm a little groggy so I am going to sleep.

- Bater

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Bater Raceway

Daddy is just plain weird! Last night, after we had gone to dinner and had a very delicious French toast, I was nodding off in comfort and warmth. All of a sudden I heard Daddy saying: Vroom, Vroom screech! Then I felt this new thing running over the top of me! It was a hotwheel! He was racing hotwheels on me! Back and forth, back and forth. Around Mommy's belly button. I had to stay really still. Then, he took a little cement truck and filled up the belly button! He plugged up my connection to the outside. I couldn't believe it. But all is well. He started racing again, and caught a tire in the fresh cement. The car "blew up" and everything is back to normal. Weird!

- Bater

Friday, June 18, 2010

Reality Check

10 weeks on Sunday! Aaaaaaahhhhhh! (This message brought to you by: Father Freaking Out Thoroughly)

I guess it is time to get my stuff packed and the yard sale started. I got my eviction papers. I will miss my little part of Mommy! I have had some great times. I will probably have to get some contractors in here to fix a few things, but you know what? They are going to have to pull me out of here kicking and screaming! I think I will do a sit in, in protest!

- Bater

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Masters Classes

I don't like Mommy's Masters classes! It used to be that Mommy would teach all day, and that there would plenty of room for me to stretch. Masters classes are a completely different story! All Mommy does is sit and listen! I can hear her brain shutting down from here inside! Don't do it Mommy! Don't let the brain suckers get you! Anyways, she just sits down and does little else for hours on end. As such, she squishes me. I'm getting back at her though...I am staying on the right side of her tummy and refusing to switch sides. I figure, sooner or later I will hit a nerve.

- Bater

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Poking Prodding and Movement

I have a problem! Over the last couple of days, Mommy and Daddy have been poking and prodding me. They try to make me move and kick! Last night, Daddy was pressing with his thumb, right on my shoulder! Well, it was uncomfortable so I moved. They were very surprised because I moved my whole body. Now, I don't kick a whole bunch now because my legs are pinned to my chest, and I have changed! I am growing up. I am different than I was 2 months ago. So, Mommy and Daddy, please, soft pushes.

- Bater

P.S. - if you push too much...remember, I know where the sick button is!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Slip Slidy Hiney

So I have a complaint...every time, after Mommy is sitting down and she stands up, I slip and slide down into her pelvis! I have to then wiggle my way right back up into position until she can start walking normal again! What's the deal? She statred class again yesterday for two weeks and I am fine while she is sitting down, but the moment she stands up, whoop, there I go again right back down into her pelvis. Eleveator up!

- Bater

Monday, June 14, 2010

Baby Zerbits

So yesterday morning, here I was all sleeping when Daddy decided to come in and try and wake me up! He started talking to me through the belly. Nothing. So he tried the belly button. Nothing. Then he tried zerbitting Mommy's tummy and getting me to respond. Nothing. I was out! Mommy keeps taking this Benadryl stuff for allergies and I think it's making me sleepy! Anyways, when I get out of here the first thing I am going to do, when I learn to keep my head up, is zerbit Daddy!

- Bater

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Happy Week Day!

Happy 29 Weeks Day all! It was 29 weeks ago today that all of this started... CRAZY! Anyways, I am 2 1/2 pounds today about the weight of a butternut squash and am around 15 inches long! Wow! I just went through a growth spurt, so now Mommy's tummy is more round than before. Anyways, I am growing and sucking up a LOT of calcium for my bones. So naturally, the National Milk Producers Federation has asked me to give a little plug for them so...
Hi. I'm Bater. You may know me from my blog Bater Epistles. I'm a baby. When babies grow in their Mommys' tummies, we soak up tons of calcium! It is used for our bones to strengthen them and help them grow. So please drink Milk! (this advertisement is an approved message by the National Milk Producers Federation.) I am Bater and I approve of this message.
Well anyways, all is well. Mommy, Daddy and I are just recovering from a long day yesterday of yard work! Pass the Icy Hot and milkshakes!

- Bater

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Sleep, Energy, Run

Sleep. Sweet sleep!
Growing in a womb.
Needed for another day.
Running outside real soon!

I have been sleeping a lot the last couple of days. I think I am growing again. It's kind of a cruel joke. I am in a small confined place and now I get to make it smaller! Well, as such I am sleeping and stealing energy from Mommy. But don't worry, I will be out of here and running in no time! Time for sleep!

- Bater

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Lobsided Tummy From The Beyond!

I have been moving and trying to find a comfortable place to be for 3 days now, and yesterday I think I found it! It's on Mommy's right side. I like to be on the far side as much as possible! As such, the left side is now deflated. So you can imagine how Mommy's tummy looks. Anyways, I like to curl up and stay on the right side for a while and then, without Mommy knowing it, I will then push and flip and all, just to remind her I am here. Anyways, I am tired now, so off to sleep!

- Bater

Thursday, June 10, 2010

More Room Ribs Style

So here I am just growing like crazy, and I just can't find a comfortable place to be. It's cramped! Well, yesterday, I found a solution! I looked up, and thought to myself, what if I can press up! Well, I stood on my head and pressed upward and you know what? There was room! Glorious room! I stretched and stretched and found a rib as well! Turns out I was in Mommy's rib cage! Well, I was sitting pretty, until Mommy layed down and I got scrunched again. Oh well, I guess I will just have to live with it.

- Bater

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Baby Wrestling

Yesterday I had some friends over. We were having such a good time. We watched baby wrestling and then, when they went home, I tried some moves of my own. I would use the umbilical cord to climb to the top of the womb and then jump off and elbow slam the ground! I tried running and bouncing off the walls. I did a WHOLE bunch of things. Well, then last night I got tired and started to nod and boom, I was out! Well, I woke up for a bit and thought about what happened. I now realize, it was the glucose drink Mommy took for the Dr. WAY too much sugar! I am not responsible for what happened yesterday! Now...where did the TV go?

- Bater

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


So...sometimes and more often than not, nowadays, I am uncomfortable! It is getting more and more cramped. Because of this, I am having to do more and more to get comfortable. Last night, I couldn't take it any more, I had to do a somersault! I flipped over and re-aligned myself. I was comfortable. Then Mommy shifted again. And I had start all over again! I tell you, it's not fun when you have someone's colon in your back or an air bubble smacking you in the face. I will, however, continue to do more and more somersaults because they are fun and help me let Mommy know that I am still here!

- Bater

Monday, June 7, 2010

Flip Flop I was Turning Around...

Flip flop I was turning around, all about a Sunday Night! That's right just call me flip flopper! Mommy says I was supposed to be asleep yesterday, but you know what? I fooled her! I'm just kidding. I was SO excited and uncomfortable last night. One, I was excited because I could play more with the control room and see what the buttons do. (I found the bladder control last night.) And two, I couldn't get to sleep because my knee kept poking me in the eye! Oh well, maybe I am so tired I can just role over and sleep now. Well anyways, time to snooze!

- Bater

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Followup Pics

Here are the pics I said I would post. My ROOM!

Happy Week Day! - 3rd Trimester

Happy Week Day all! It is official! I am in the Third Trimester! I made it! 28 weeks. I am 14.8 inches long and weigh about 2 1/4 pounds, pretty much like a Chinese cabbage! Did you know as well that I have eyelashes! That's right...they tickle Mommy every now and then. Well...yesterday was a great day! I got to help paint my room! We did a lot. I will post some pics later.
I also found a GREAT new toy. I was working on renovations to make things a little bigger in here, when, all of a sudden, after tearing down a wall, I found a cool control room! I found the puke button, the nausea button, and all the nerve buttons that control Mommy! I may have over done it with the nerve buttons last night though, Mommy kept turning from side to side. She wasn't very comfortable. Anyways, all is well and I am going to sleep. Until tomorrow!

- Bater

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Painting and Yardwork

I am SOOOOO excited for today! I get to help do yardwork and... I get to help paint my room! Wooooooohhhhhhhoooooo! My room is finally getting done. Mommy has thought up a special design for my room. I get to help paint it. I hope I get to have some fun. Anyways, Daddy is going down to mow the lawn, so I better go and get my best hillbilly outfit on and go and help. Until tomorrow.

- Bater

Friday, June 4, 2010

Another Remodel

I have no more room! I can't move too much without bumping the table or the tv or the couch, sometimes all three! So...I called in a guy who does remodels. There was just one minor little problem...he couldn't get in to take the measurements he needed, so now I am stuck trying to expand Mommy's tummy on my own! I am trying a constant pressure technique where I push and push and push, and slowly I will move my couch or tv into the place I was pushing to cause the tummy to stretch! I know it will be just right when Mommy's belly button pops out! Until then, I will keep pushing. Now where can I stick this column I found?

- Bater

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Feeling Ignored

I miss my Daddy! Over the past few days, Daddy has been involved planning his photography workshops and teaching them. It has been quite boring without him. Mommy is fun, don't get me wrong, but she has been prepping her classroom for the summer and she just doesn't have a whole lot of time to be crazy like Daddy is. Last night he placed his mouth on Mommy's tummy and right next to my rear, and zerbitted my rear! I miss my Daddy. Now that he is done for a week, I hope he'll come and play! For those of you who think he should do more with me, leave a comment and or email him with an activity that he and I should do together! Let's get the lazy bum playing with me again!

- Bater

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


So yesterday was an interesting day for me. I dreamed for the first time. It was a dream of strange happenings. I don't remember exactly what it was about, but I remember jerking awake every now and then. Then I would drift back asleep and then a few minutes later, jerk again! Over and over again. It was very strange. I don't know if I like dreaming. It's almost as if my brain is doing a check list on parts of my body to make sure everything still works. Weird! Anyways, it is time for sleep again, let's hope I dream of sugar and some other food. It makes me happy!

- Bater

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Home Again!

Wow! So our vacation was nuts! We had a great time and then, coming home, we got stuck in the canyon for over an hour while some construction people worked on the road! Let's just say mile and miles and miles of cars backed up! So there I was sitting in the car and wanting to do something. But I couldn't, the seatbelt was restraining me! Grrrrrrrrrr! I wanted to do my latest trick: the hamster wheel! I press my back to Mommy's bladder and then I start pumping my legs and arms almost like a hamster in a wheel. It's quite fun! Anyways, we made it back and then went and bought a new couch and a bunch of baby stuff! I have a mattress now! Phew...I was starting to the worry I was going to be stuck sleeping on some springs! Well, now I don't have to. Well, I'm signing off and going to bed! It's good to be home again.

- Bater

Monday, May 31, 2010

Homeward Bound

Today we head home from our vacation. It's a sad day. I have enjoyed our stay here and have had such a wonderful time performing for Grandma and Grandpa, even though they may not have seen me doing it! I like to turn over and over now. It's what I call the cork screw. Very fun! Well I don't look forward to the seatbelt, but it will be a necessary evil. Well, time for bed!

- Bater

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Happy Week Day!

It's official. I am 27 weeks today and this is my last week of the second trimester. I've come a LONG way! I am now 14 1/2 inches long and weigh 2 pounds. Effectively, I am more like a cauliflower in weight! I have to say that this is the moment I have been waiting for! I can open my eyes! Woohoo! I blink them and close them! It's awesome! Also, I am waking and sleeping now on a more regular schedule. There is one concern for me: hiccups! I have heard about them, they seem just plain uncomfortable! I don't think I have had any yet, but I sure don't want them! Boy howdy, growing up is fun, but hiccups can just pass me by...I hope! Any ways, we are all having fun on vacation. I got to help Mommy sew on a really cool sewing machine that grandma has. We sewed for a while! Anyways, well back to sleep. We will SEE you tomorrow. Literally! I can see! WOOHOO!

- Bater

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Daddy's big whoops

So Daddy forgot to help me write my blog this morning. We're just having so much fun on vacation! Here are some of the highlights of our trip so far.

-the sump pump club at Grandma and Grandpa B's new house
-car rides
-shopping with my aunt, cousin, and Great Grandma. Now that I think about it, that was a lot of girls.... Lucky for me Mommy only bought boy stuff for my room. Lots of things with monkeys. What's she trying to say? Hmmm... Oh and some rings because I made her fingers swell.
-I did get to try a blizzard for the first time! It was pretty good! Nice and cool. Although Mommy did sneak some chocolate in there. Oh well. It wasn't that bad.

I want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Grandma M yesterday and my Aunt E (he, he! Aunt E that's funny....) today! Next year I'll be able to tell them myself....well, sort of!)

- Bater

Friday, May 28, 2010

Road Warriors!

It's time for another trip! I am SO excited for this trip! I get to meet a pair of my Grandparents for the first time! Daddy has helped me to surprise my grandparents, so I hope it is all good! I'm coming world! Well off to the open road and fun times.

- Bater

P.S. - I know I have to wear a seatbelt, but I am officially annoyed. Humph!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Mutant Ninja Baby From Beyond!

I am stealth by night. You cannot see me. I lurk just below the surface! Mommy waits, trying to feel me kick and so I wait. Once she doesn't expect it, I give her a kick and a Hi-ya! "and I'd kick her sir!" I am...the Mutant Ninja Baby From the Beyond!

Last night I just could NOT get comfortable! I kept kicking and moving and twisting and turning. I went from laying down to sitting up to being diagonal. I kicked and punched trying to make things soft. I even tried pushing on Mommy's Tummy to make it bigger for me. Nothing worked. So when she laid down finally for bed I started kicking again and I put on a show! Daddy even saw Mommy's tummy move! So, for a limited
Time, I will be performing in Mommy's tummy. I'll be here all week! ;)

- Bater

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I love video game controllers! Last night, after I had hung my hammock on Mommy's nerves, I sat back and was enjoying myself when all of a sudden a massive earthquake hit! I didn't know what was happening! Then, it all changed. My hammock was weathering the quake just fine! It went back and forth and was quite fun. I had to pay attention to realize that: Mommy was playing a racing game with Daddy, and had placed the controller on her Tummy. That made the quake! I loved it! After they stopped playing I kept moving and squirming trying to make the hammock work again! It was awesome. So now you know! Whew! Now I can go back to sleep.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Life on The Diagonal!

So it starts to get more and more boring the more your senses develop! You learn to hear, touch, smell, taste and feel while only 2 of the 5 are really used! So to remedy this problem and solve the dillemma, I am now diagonal in Mommy's tummy! I can't help it! It adds some variety to my life and allows for me to explore at the same time. Did you know that when you look at the inside of a Mommy's tummy through eyelids that everything is just the same!? Well I get to stay here and kick a lot more today. I have some pent up energy I need to release, so I will get some sleep and then wake up kicking! Until then, this is me, from the quarter turned world of Diag-an-world!

- Bater

Monday, May 24, 2010


That's right, I have them! I got tired of pushing with my hands and feet yesterday, so I started pushing with my elbows! It was awesome! I could dig right in and move around and make Mommy know I was there a lot more effectively. I think I am going to push with my elbows more often! The best technique to do it is to turn over on your head and then put your elbows out. Let gravity pull you down and push your elbows out naturally! It's great! Then when you want to hide inside, you just collapse the elbows and sneak around until you find a new place and bam! You're doing it again! -- this has been a message for the Babies Elbowing Stiffly To Induce Light Laughter, or BE STILL organization.

- Bater

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Happy Week Day!

Happy week day all! I'm 26 weeks today. Isn't that awesome! Well I am 14 inches long and 1 2/3 pounds. I'm effectively the size of a cucumber! So some interesting things are starting to happen. Just recently, I started to feel my chest move up and down involuntarily! I didn't tell it too! I swear! Amniotic fluid started going in and out in and out. I looked it up on google and found: I am breathing! Apparently it helps develop my lungs! Woohoo! That means I'm getting closer to getting out of here! Anyways, all is well, and the cabin was great! I like it there! Now time to sleep. Later.

- Bater

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Raining and a Cabin

Today will be SOOOOOOO cool! I get to go up with Mommy and Daddy to Mommy's family cabin! Daddy gets to clean! Heh heh heh! Anyways, we will get to clean and then stay there for a couple of hours. Mommy has mentioned to me in passing that the cabin is most likely the place we are going to escape to during the hot summer! I'm excited... I want to hike and swim and do all sorts of things. Anyways, we have to leave shortly so time for bed! I love traveling via the womb! The car however it is quite annoying my old nemesis the seatbelt is coming along. I will get him some day! Oh...and it's raining!

- Bater

Friday, May 21, 2010

Water Bags and Big Tummies

So I have to start by saying "Sorry Mommy" for having done something I didn't mean to. Yesterday was an interesting day. I started the day out by kicking a little here and there and then I got a little overly excited about the day. I was kicking when all of a sudden: poof! A large water bag deployed in my face! I Was pressed up against it and it was very uncomfortable! I later realized that it's the latest in safety equipment! If something hits Mommy in the stomach in just the right way, poof it will deploy! Well, as a result of that bag, Mommy's tummy has swolen considerably in size. I have been working on pumping the excess water out, but it is a slow process. I regret to say it, but I have a feeling that I am going to be doing this kind of thing more often than not. Sorry Mommy! Good thing there is only 3 months left, huh?

- Bater

Thursday, May 20, 2010


So all day yesterday Mommy was working on an art show for her students. Well, after 12 hours or more at school, and at about 9 pm, we finally got home. I was SO glad when Mommy finally stretched out and so subsequently I could as well. (did you like that? That was my word for the day!) Anyways, she kept bending over and twisting and squishing me! It was very uncomfortable! I am starting yet another protest group: Babies Against Squishing Humans! Or BASH, as I like to call it. It just occurred to me, I have become quite the philanthropist! I have tons of organizations with just one! Hmmmm time to start hiring.

- Bater

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Late Night

Wow! Mommy and Daddy stayed up with me last night until 1:30 in the morning! Mommy had a project she needed to get done for her work and Daddy was helping. I think quite possibly I will be inside a walking talking Zombie today! Anyways, all is well. I am growig and growing like crazy! I haves new game I like to play. I sit back and roll over so my face is outward towards Mommy's bellybutton. I then will simply start to push. I push and push and see how far I can make Mommy's tummy stretch! Mommy always thinks it's weird. I think it's fun.

- Bater

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Tummy Crawlers

So last night I got freaked out. Here I was just minding my own business when I thought I saw a Tummy Crawler! They are creatures that look like red blood cells but are white! They come after you slowly and in groups! So I started swinging! I punched and kicked and turned and fought hard. In the end I won! It was a tail fit for the ancient Greeks. I went online trying to calm my nerves and then I found...they were white blood cells! Oops! I need those. Good thing I'm a lousy shot!

- Bater

Monday, May 17, 2010

Favorite Word of the Day: Protuberance

protuberance - something that bulges out or is protuberant or projects from its surroundings

I love this word! It explains me so well! I push and push and push and then Mommy squeeks! Yes, I do have to admit that not every time when I push, am I wanting more room. Sometimes I push just so I can hear Mommy squeek. It's so much fun. It's getting tighter in here, so I have to be careful when I move...I don't want to be too much of a protuberance to Mommy...ha ha ha! I made a funny!

- Bater

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Happy Week Day!

I am 25 weeks now. I am the size of a rutabaga. And I weigh 1 1/2 pounds. I'm starting to gain some fat. My hair is filling in and the pigment is starting to show! Well...I didn't get to help with the lawn! Daddy was outside and Mommy stayed inside. Poor Daddy worked for 7 hours straight of hard labor. He cleaned the garage out. Now he is exhausted. Oh well! That's what he gets for not letting me help! Humph! Also, I was just squished all day because Mommy was working on a quilt all day. She wouldn't stand up. Anyways, all is well and I am just growing like crazy! I'm supposed to be gaining 1/2 a pound a week now. This ought to be interesting! Time to go grab a snack and then go to sleep.

- Bater

Saturday, May 15, 2010

What To Do Today?

So yesterday, I had my monthly checkup! The Dr. tried to listen to my heart again. I moved and ran and moved. In the end she got what she wanted. Well, she gave me a clean bill of health, as if there was any doubt! Anyways, so today I want to do a lot. I think I want to help Mommy and Daddy with the yard. They haven't mowed it in like 3 weeks. It has rained too much. Then I want to help Daddy with the Garage, but Mommy won't let me. She is going to do something else. Oh well, what can you do. It's the life of a Baby. Off to sleep then wake up for food and claiming I helped! I love it!

- Bater

Friday, May 14, 2010

Training For Outside

So you probably never knew this but I am training more and more to get out of here. Yesterday and for the last few days I have been training for how it might feel to be outside. It's very similar to training for outerspace! I float around in here feeling no effects of gravity and then I flip around and twist and turn to get myself used to vertigo or other feelings that might come on! I flip and turn to make sure I am used to all sorts of feelings. One feeling that gets a lot of babies when they get outside, is the feeling that they are going to fall when held on their back. When they cry and their Daddy is holding them, their Daddy bounces and bounces furthering this sensation. This is bad. To all the Daddys out there: please...don't do this! This has been a message of the Babies for Better Sleeping Arrangements organization. For any donations, please feed my Mommy! Thank you.

- Bater

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Games and Candy

So I am so tired. I moved too much on tuesday, so I have to rest. Last night Mommy and I went over to Pyler and Widgie's house to play some games. I was tired so I didn't play any, but I did watch. Everyone played a game, pyler included, that involved passing around candy. The person who wins gets all the candy. Well... Pyler won! And everyone pushed the candy to him he said: "Wow!" (in quiet reverence). A few minutes later he said: "So cool". So as he won, I saw my chance. He had the energy producing candy! I waited until he sat on Mommy's lap and then: boom! I kicked and kicked and kicked! Pyler didn't listen. He wouldn't give me any candy. So here I am exhausted and so I am going to sleep! Humph!

- Bater

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Fingernails and Growing

So I have noticed that I am starting to get longer fingernails. They are slowly but surely growing! Did you know, after looking this up online, that fingernails grow about 1.4 inches in a year! Crazy! That's like more than 1/12 my current size! WOA! Anyways...they are an interesting thing to watch grow. I know...I know grass is more fun to watch, however, it is only more fun to watch when you have grass and your eyes can open! Well, Daddy got to feel me really kick again last night. It was fun. I drew him in by kicking Mommy a whole bunch and flipping and turning. Once she told him I was kicking, I waited...and waited...then BOOM! He felt it. After kicking for a while, I stopped kicking.

- Bater

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Dangly Dangerous Thingy!

So...I am a thumb sucker! That's right, I'm sorry, but it comforts me! I love to suck on my thumb! I just started it three days ago. Last night Mommy bumped my arm while I was sucking on my thumb. You know, it's interesting the discussion people have about whether it is good for a baby to suck their thumb or even why we do it. Well...wouldn't you if you were the only one around? Wouldn't you if you didn't know what was going on and you were learning about your body? Well that's why. However, I do have to say, the reason I do it is for a little bit different reason: the dangly dangerous thingy in your mouth! Now, I have since researched and discovered this is called the uvula.

It was a dark and stormy night. Did my noir style scare you? No, it was while I was at school with Mommy. I wanted to explore my mouth. I was probing it with my fingers, when all of a sudden, Mommy bumped a table. My fingers slipped into the back of my mouth and I started this weird coughing type feeling! I didn't like it. So I started to probe with just my thumb. This prevents my finger from EVER hitting the uvula again! See...there is a reason. Now, how can I probe using my foot? Eh...that will need to wait until I am born!

- Bater

Monday, May 10, 2010

Racing and Appologies!

So, over the last little while, Mommy has noticed that there is a lot of pressure on her Tummy. Generally, this pressure is coming from my legs and from me pushing out. What she doesn't know, is that I am really just playing my new game: UMBRacing 2010! It is SOOOOOOO Cool! I have a steering wheel and a whole lot of accessories that make me feel like I am really racing a car. It's fun. There is a fan that blows air in your face, for me they are bubbles, as there is no air in here. I like to go really fast. So, every now and then, I get a little carried away with shifting gears and honking the horn, that I push just a little too much taking corners, and so it gets a little uncomfortable! Sorry Mommy! I didn't mean to. I will work on not pushing too energetically. Anyways, things are well, I am just growing, kicking, pushing and sleeping. There isn't much to do in here, but to just grow. Consider me being in suspended grow-ination. I am just floating waiting for the day the bubble will burst and I will be set free!


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Week Day! And Happy Mother's Day! is Mother's Day and it is Week 24! Happy Mother's Day to all you women out there and of course to MY Mommy! Sorry all, but she's the best!

Well I gained 4 ounces over the last week. I am over 1 foot long, head to heel, and am about the size of a corn cob! I'm noticing that my taste buds are growing in more and more. I am also noticing that there is a strange feeling in my lungs are starting to form. There is a substance being formed as well known as surfactant. It inflates my lungs when I get out of here. Kinda cool!

Anyways... I am just kicking like crazy now. I like it when I can just spread out and kick. I don't like it when Mommy sits down and squishes me. So now I kick harder. Last night I was trying to make myself sick. I was spinning and spinning and spinning, but I couldn't go fast enough. Oh well, maybe next time! Well off to bed!

- Bater

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Day about Daddy

So Daddy helped me write a great post this morning before his photo shoot, but the silly program he used to type it up didn't publish it and didn't save it. He was so unhappy. So mommy thought she would help out without telling Daddy. He, he. Mommy is very sneaky sometimes.

Tomorrow may be Mother's Day and my Week Day, but today, Mommy and I decided to make it a Day about Daddy. Mommy had a little chat with me yesterday and told me I needed to move more for Daddy, so he can feel me too. I try, but his hand is so nice and warm it just makes me relax. Mommy pokes me and squishes me (unintentionally of course), and her students are so loud, I just can't settle down. But Daddy, he's calmer, he get's really quiet so he can make sure he feels me move, and he put's his hand on me right where I usually kick. At that point though, I just want to cuddle up with his hand and relax. He's such a good Daddy. He's so excited I'm coming, and he's so anxious to get his projects done around the house so it will be safe for me to come. He has also done such a good job taking care of Mommy, especially those times when I kept pushing her sick button. I know that wasn't very nice of me, but I am doing better. Except when Mommy eats too much chocolate or lettuce. I think she snuck some lettuce by me last night. She put it with some yummy chicken and mushrooms to disguise it. I told you she was sneaky.

Yesterday my friend Pyler was singing so loud I heard him, and I just started dancing. I think it was a song called, "You've got a friend in me," but I'm not sure because he kept singing, "Are you kidding me?" Either way I loved it. He's got a great voice, nice and loud. Maybe I can take singing lessons from him!

I also wanted to let my Grandma Mimi (Code names of course) know that I love the giant rabbit she made for me! I can't wait until I'm big enough to wrestle it! Coach has been working with me, but the rabbit is still 3 times taller than I am. I'll win some day, though! And those ears look ripe for chewing.

Anyway, Happy Day about Daddy! I love you, Daddy! I can't wait to hear what your jokes really sound like! They are kind of garbled in here. I already know they are marvelous, though. I'll try and kick nice and big for you from now on.


Friday, May 7, 2010

Getting Tighter

So things are definitely getting tighter. Here I am growing like crazy, and I can't get enough room! I had to turn onto my side. I almost can't sit straight up and down now. Mommy's tummy is just streching and streching. Did you know, if I wiggle a little bit, while I am on my side, you can see my little tucus move Mommy's tummy?! It's so tight in here, I can't get my early excersises in. I need more room! So, I'm going to put an addition onto Mommy's tummy! That's right...I'm going to call in a favor and get a tummy framer to come over and push out the walls of her tummy and make a little more room! I'm hoping they can do it by Sunday, that way I can laze around for a bit. Being a baby is hard work!

- Bater

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mad Bater and the Tummydome

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it's play time!" I had SOOOOO much fun last night! I was flopping and kicking and jumping and bouncing! So much fun! There is a Movie I have heard about called mad max and the thunderdome. Never seen it, but heard about the dome that has bungies and harnesses and you get to bounce all around, so I have dubbed Mommy's womb as the Tummydome! I bounced and jiggled and squirmed! Mommy could see me moving in her tummy! It was fun to play. I am, however, extemely tired, so I am going to go grab a box of red bloodcells and go lay down! Until tomorrow!

- Bater

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A New Venture: Bater Mayes

So I think I am going to start a new business. I am going to make money selling, online of course, a new product. It is a pair of handle bars that attach to Mommy's stomach on the inside. They run horizontal to the ground. You then can use them to do pull ups on, repel, or help yourself in and out of the womb. They are a helper. I am going to call them: Love Handles. This will be my pitch:

Bater Mayes here for Love Handles. Have you ever wanted to be more prepared for that special day? Have you ever fallen in the womb? Do you want to make Julian fries? Then the Love Handles are for you. They can help you get that body you are looking for or help you pick yourself up. Simply attach them to the abdominal wall and let sit for 2 hours. You will love your freedom: only 3 easy payments of 1.5 million red bloodcells. Order now!

I think this I going to make tons!

- Bater

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A New Trampoline

You know what? I found the coolest new trampoline! I found that if I sit up, straight up and down in Mommy's tummy and wait for Daddy to put his hand on Mommy's tummy, I can push off his hand and BOING I get a good bounce! I do it really stealth like. I start punching here and there. That generally lures him in. I punch on one side and he places his hand there. If I don't like where he is at, I punch opposite of him, so he moves his hand. Once he is in position, I kick off! WooHoo! It's fun to bounce and play. Now I am tired and off to bed I go.

- Bater

Monday, May 3, 2010

How to Make Daddy Sick

Answer? Have a co-worker with a 24 hour flu show up to work and then 3 days later make Daddy work really hard. Let that simmer for 12 hours and voilĂ ! You have a sick Daddy. Mommy won't kiss him on the lips and I squirm away when they hug! I do NOT need to be sick! Anyways, yesterday was a normal day. I didn't do much. I was recovering from my SOUR training. Anyways, last night I just hung out. It was the longest night since I've been in here. I didn't kick too much, but oh the hours of silence and then the hours of incesant snoring from Daddy! Oh how I wish I couldn't hear until AFTER I was born! Oh well, now I can go to sleep with the soft gentle voices of 500+ school children! Oh the joy and the serenity!

- Bater

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Happy Week Day!

23 weeks! Wow! I'm 11 inches long and weigh about like a large mango! Almost 1 pound. I'm starting to feel some weird stuff happening in my chest. I went to the Internet and found that I have blood vessels that are starting to grow in my chest. I'm starting to prepare to breathe! Isn't that cool? Also, my sense of hearing is improving. I can hear all sorts of things: music, a vaccuum, dogs barking and all sorts of stuff. My sense of motion is getting better too, I can feel when Mommy is Dancing. Yesterday I could feel that Mommy and Daddy were helping move again, so I laid low. I started kicking again around 12 in the morning. It was fun! I found a soft spot and started kicking. I really had fun. Well, got go sleep some more, until tomorrow...

- Bater

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Brown, Pink and Blue...

So Mommy noticed I didn't move very much yesterday. Mainly, that was because I was so enamored by the painting process! Some friends of Mommy and Daddy, Pyler and Widgie's parents, are moving into their new house and they are painting up a storm! They have blues and pinks and browns all over! I was just sitting there wondering why they weren't using something like a firework in the can of paint or something that would make things faster! Oh well. Manual labor I guess. Well, now we have to go help them move their stuff, so that is my cue to lay low. Until tomorrow!

- Bater

Friday, April 30, 2010

Training for the Iron-Baby!

So yesterday marked the beginning of my training! Not a whole lot of people know or remember when they did this in the womb, but there is an extensive program that you start right around the 23 week mark, it is called: The Iron-Baby! This training program gets us ready for birth. You bulk up and strengthen so you can get out safely. Well yesterday I began my training! I was moving and dodging and twisting ALL over the place. I think I spooked Mommy. She wasn't expecting it. Also, I had to start consuming a whole lot more energy. I have to grow and gain a whole lot more in weight. So, naturally, I took a little too much and Mommy was out for the count by 8:15 last night. Crazy! Anyways, it was a tough day. Coach Greeny was still mean, but you know what? My skin has toughened since last time. Literally! ;)

- Bater

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Another Adventure of Spy Baby!

So it showed up! I got my spy kit that I ordered online sometime last month. It was SO cool to play with last night! A little while ago I had to get rid of my UMBCam because I ran out of room. Well this spy kit has a snake cam! I can push it around and explore my surroundings. Last night, Mommy wasn't moving very much. She just kind of went back and forth in one spot, but she wasn't standing. So I whipped out my snake cam and pushed it out her nose and found: she was taping! She and Daddy were taping a room for Widgie and Pyler. I would have nothing of that. So I wound up the snake and went to sleep. So my day yesterday was nothing but boring! Oh well, I will need to talk Mommy into doing something fun.

- Bater

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Stronger and Stronger

That's right. I'm getting stronger and stronger. Of late when I kick and Mommy isn't expecting it, she yelps. It's quite fun to be just sitting there and then boom! I punch her or kick her and she jumps a little! It makes me rock back and forth. Helps me relax. Last night Daddy put his hand on Mommy's tummy and I really pelted it! He finally felt me kick hard. Mommy did the same after Daddy, and her whole hand kind of jumped off her tummy! Anyways, fun times and time for sleep.

- Bater

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

UNO Attacked Me!

So there I am all content and just enjoying the evening when a foul and sinister thing happens...UNO attacks! That's right! A game! For those of you not familiar with this game, it is UNO but there is an automatic card dispenser that randomly spits you cards when a button is hit. I am going to ask the pregnancy council of america to add this to the list of dangerous things to do during pregnancy. I mean it would be fine and all, but Mommy laughs hysterically whenever someone gets a card! Her tummy muscles kept squeezing me over and over! I got a headache for the first time! I'm going to go and sleep it off! Oy!

- Bater

Monday, April 26, 2010


So...Mommy is Nesting. A lot of people think that nesting comes from being pregnant. And they are right. However, there is more to it. It comes from us. The unborn. The wigglers who fidget and move. We like order. We like exploring. Believe it or not, we have a special kit that comes with us that allows us to hook up to our Mommys' nerves and control them! We like to explore. However, because we can't walk yet, it's all new to us, we like to have things put away and organized so we don't trip. We are very clumsy. So the next time you see a pregnant woman trip or nesting, it's because we have control for the moment. Now how can I convince Mommy to wear kneepads everywhere?

- Bater

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Happy Week Day!

A Spaghetti Squash! That's what I am today! I weigh a pound and am as long as a spaghetti squash. Can you believe it? 22 weeks today and I am just growing like crazy. Over the last couple of days, I have noticed that I am EXTREMELY wrinkled! I chatted with a friend via email and they let me know, I'm wrinkled because my fat will start to fill in the wrinkles. Crazy! Anyways, it was fun yesterday as Mommy Daddy and I got to work in the yard for a quick hour. We pulled weeds! I really don't look forward to doing that when I get out of here. Well, I am plugging along and the irises of my eyes are grey. I need to have Mommy eat more carrotts, so I'm going to go wake her up. Until tomorrow!

- Bater

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Growing Pains

Sleep is the best remedy! Lately I have been growing so fast that I started to hurt. So a couple of days ago I put an order in for the new Lazy Mommy and it got here yesterday morning. It's a special chair that has a built heating pad and massage system. It vibrates too! Oh sweet heaven! I got it put together and then turned it on. I didn't move all day! I woke up just now in the same position I went to sleep in! I think I passed out. Well, I just woke up in time to go to bed. So until tomorrow.

- Bater

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Screwdriver

I have finally consented to not sitting up in Mommy's tummy. I just couldn't take it, so I am just laying down now. It's different than what I am used to, but you know what? It's fun too! I get to rollover and twist. Last night I improved a twist that I affectionately call the screwdriver. I rollover with me hands out above my head. It's quite cool! Mommy felt it and didn't quite know what to make of it. Well I haven't done much of late, I think it's the weather. It keeps getting warm then cold. It changes so often it's like hypnosis! That's it, I'm hypnotized! Mommy said go to sleep, so I'm going to....

- Bater

Thursday, April 22, 2010


So I can't lie. It's starting to get tight in here. Yesterday, I had to have a yard sale. I got rid of my couch and my TV. The bad thing though, was I had to just throw it one showed up to the yard sale! I was totally bummed. So I had to cart them off and throw them in the dumpster. Anyways, I got a little more room for it. Here in a week, I am starting a new class. It's summer school for me. The class is SOUR215 or Staying Out of Uncomfortable Resting. It teaches me how to effectively communicate with Mommy to let her know I am uncomfortable! Before, all I have had was making her sick and giving her some slight kicks. Now I get to learn how to REALLY kick and punch hard. My gym teacher suggested it to me. Anyways, I hear Mommy's alarm, so that is my sleeping call. Until tomorrow.

- Bater

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Daddy Came Home!!!

So Daddy had a photoshoot last night and I didn't do anything! It was boring. I just mulled around. Well, then I heard his voice coming as he entered the house and so I just started jumping with joy! I kicked and jumped and turned and did all I could to let Mommy know that I knew he was home. It worked. I Love my Daddy and my Mommy! Now if only I can keep him from talking to me while pressing his mouth to Mommy's stomach! Well time to sleep.

- Bater

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Acrobatics and Swinging

Did you know you can make a swing out of intestines? It's so much fun! Mommy was feeling me swing last night. I also turn over and over. Mommy can't feel me doing it, but i do! It feels like you are on a trapeze or in space! It's fun! Did you know as well, that if you aren't careful, you can trap yourself and get all wound up? Well, now I have to figure out how to unwind...anybody have a knot book I can borrow? Anyways, I will solve that after a long nap!

- Bater

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Two Step.

I Love to dance! The idea that I can just turn on the feet and let the music guide me, that's just awesome. Mommy is really funny. Whenever I startup my dance lessons, I'm learning the two step right now, she starts to giggle. I don't know why she does, but she giggles away. Also, what's slightly annoying, is when she giggles, Daddy wants to know what is happening and comes over and puts his hand on Mommy's belly! He slaps it down and just destroys my studio! I have to wait until he leaves before I can startup again. Daddy, please be gentle! Anyways, I can feel Mommy waking up, so back to sleep for me!

- Bater

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Happy Week Day!

Well happy week day all! You now know I am a Boy! Fine! I am now the length of a Carrot and weigh 3/4 of a pound. I am changing the color of the blog, now everyone knows what I am. Any ways. Yesterday Daddy, Mommy and I all went to work in the yard. We mowed and spread bark out and pulled weeds. It was fun. I got to just kick if something didn't feel right. Then we had a barbeque and had some kids over with their families. I didn't get to play though. Mommy won't let go of me for a second! She loves me! Anyways, I'm tired again so I am going to go to sleep. Oh by the way, my eyelids finally completely formed. I still can't open them though. Grrr.....

- Bater

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Fine! Have it your way!

So, Mommy poked me and poked me yesterday. She fed me more and more sugar so that I would move. So I crossed my legs. They really wanted to find out what I am, so, in retaliation, I am saying very little and so made the following video.

Now I am going to go back to sleep and sleep the bruises off.


Friday, April 16, 2010

Finding Out

Well. Guess what? Mommy and Daddy are subjecting me to sheer humiliation in 5 hours. I think I am ready. I have my sleeping pills, my blankets, my rubber ducky, my smoke screen and my elctro magnetic pulse gun. I will not go down without a fight! You will never find out that I am a...wait almost gave that away! I have a bag with a special lock so that the cat can't get out! ;) Be aware, I will not let anyone find out! I will keep my gender a secret. Unless Mommy feeds me some yummy pop and sugar before hand. Mmmmmm.....sugar! Oh well, I guess I can let them know that I am a...

- Bater

Thursday, April 15, 2010


It's been dormant for months. A little town is going about it's business. For years the town has had nothing to worry about...until now. Deep inside the Mommy, something stirs! A foot here. A foot there. A hand. An elbow. The menance of the Mommy, comes to life. There is discomfort. There are shouts of "Ooh! That was weird!" Little does she know, Baby Bater is lurking inside! Waiting for that perfect time. Waiting to simply come out and say "Hey Mommy! Guess what? I'm a ________!" Run for your lives. Log into Bater epistles tomorrow to find out the end to this drama. Only an ultrasound can tell.

So what do you think? That's the beginning of my new Movie. I haven't found a title for it yet. Hence the "Grrrrrrrrrr.......Arrrrrrrrrrr!". Anyways. Stay tuned for tomorrow. Mommy and Daddy are going to subject me to torture and find out if I am a boy or a girl. Now where are my pants?

- Bater

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Gases Exp...lode?

Oops! I really did it yesterday. I got a new chemistry set and started playing with some liquids. As I was mixing liquids, I noticed that they were changing into a gaseous state. It was really cool! So I decided to mix a really LARGE batch. It exploded on me and Mommy's tummy filled with gas! It just kept going and going! Sorry Mommy! I didn't mean to cause so much pain!! She had to skip class and go home early. Mommy just kept blaming it on her gall bladder, so I guess it's ok. However, I do have to say, it was awesome! I think part of the gas made was laughing gas. I just floated around giggling the whole time. It was rather pleasant. So to all you aspiring chemists out there: make sure you are not in a 8x8" stomache and that you are in a well ventilated room when mixing unknown chemicals. Also, read the labels! My chemicals said: not for use inside the womb. Now they tell me! Yeesh!

- Bater

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Straight Up or Longwise

So I can't make the decision. I can't decide! Right now I am straight up and down inside Mommy's tummy. I don't like being on my side, however, it is QUITE uncomfortable when Mommy sits down. I always get squished, so I have to kick and prod until she leans back. Have you ever had this problem? Sometimes I just kind of go nuts and start punching. Last night, daddy had his hand on Mommy tummy and I didn't like that so I punched him hard. But he couldn't feel it. So I'm gonna start bulking up. Mommy, start drinking more milk and eating more meat! This baby has a date with punching Daddy! Now where are the beef jerky sticks?

- Bater

Monday, April 12, 2010

Flash Baby!

I'm a maniac! Maniac...that's for sure! And I'm dancing like I've never danced before. (to the tune of flash dance)

So I guess I got a little out of control Saturday. I LOVE music. So when I was hearing it, I started to move a whole bunch. I even got Mommy to think she was going to bruise! That's silly, I'll cleanup my mess before she notices!

Well all is well and Mommy and Daddy are just plugging along getting ready for me. They got me a crib on Saturday. Once I know how to move on my own, I am TOTALLY climbing out of that thing. Anyways, I am now going to go grease myself up and go to sleep. Good morning!

- Bater

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Happy Week Day!

It's official! I'm half way there! WOOHOO! 20 weeks today and it's nothing but down hill from here on out. Literally! I am now being measured from head to heel and not head to rump. They measure me from head to rump first because I am curled up and it is difficult to measure. Now, from 20 weeks on they measure head to heel. I am the size of a bannana. Also, did you know, I am swallowing more and more. It is causing me to produce something called meconium. It's a black substance in my tummy. Thick and sticky. I'm saving it for Daddy, for when I get out of here.

So yesterday I heard this glorious sound coming from outside. It had a beat and was fun. So I started to dance. I found out later it was music being played on a guitar. So it's official: I like music! For my first birthday I would like a recording contract....ok maybe not. But I do like music. Well, until tomorrow...

- Bater

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Big Scary Birthday Party

Mommy and Daddy threw a surprise party for their friend last night. There were TONS of people around. I think I inherited my Mommy's sense of trepidation around large groups, because I didn't move the whole time. I think a lot of it came from just being in marvel at the thought that this will happen to me when I get out of here! It's crazy! Also, we need to take a moment of silence for Daddy's pictures. He took some great shots at the party but when he went to download the pictures there was nothing on the memory card. It got erased! ...............
Ok that's long enough. Well, I'm tired, so I will see you all tomorrow!

- Bater

Friday, April 9, 2010

Enough With The Pokin' Already

I have an impatient Daddy. I know, I know, this may come as a surprise to you. Last night, he wanted to feel me moving. I was having nothing of that. He would put his hand on Mommy's stomach and then I would stop moving. Well, he didn't like that. He would sit there for minutes waiting to feel something. Well, there I was just sitting still, laying low when from the side came Mommy. She poked me! She pressed hard! I didn't like that. So Daddy got to feel me move for the first time. Grrr.... As a result of that I am now opening a new help organization called:BAND-AID - Babies Against Neurotic Daddys Ample Impatient Deviousness. We need to spread the word! Daddy's across the world suffer from ABS - Annoying the Baby Syndrome. It is estimated that approximately 80 - 90% of all daddys in the world suffer from this. So naturally, the babies suffer as well. If you would like to help, send an email to Any help is appreciated. And Mommy? Enough with the pokin' already! Oy! (yes I am pseudo Jewish today)

- Bater