Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Glorious Body Pillow

I had a new experience last night. Mommy gave me a pillow. She has laid me on a pillow before, but this one is a body pillow and it wraps around me and holds me all nice and all. It feels like I'm in the womb again! Wait...I am in the womb...nevermind. Anyways, I really like it. It's nice and soft and takes up half the bed. Daddy has to sleep on the edge. He he! Well, time to hit the body pillow.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Training For the Boston Marathon

So yesterday, while Mommy was in class, I decided that it was time for me to train for the Boston marathon. I started by stretching, trust me it's important. I then started with a simple slow jog. I warmed up and then did dashes and long distance runs. The whole time, Mommy was holding onto her stomach trying to keep from being jostled around. Sorry Mommy! Secretly, between you and me, I think she liked it. Anyways, now I am SORE! I can't feel my toes...wait never mind, I found them. Well until tomorrow!


Monday, June 28, 2010

A Heeling Experience

Yesterday, Mommy and I played a game that was really fun. It was new and exciting. It was a heeling experience. Since I am on my head now, I have to have more room. I can't just sit here and do nothing. So I started pushing upwards with my heel.
Mommy didn't like that. So, as a result, she pushed down on my heel and tried to stop me from pushing on her ribs. So there is our game. I try to kick her in the ribs and she tries to defend. So far Mommy has won. But I will win, shortly.


Sunday, June 27, 2010

Happy Week Day! - 9

Happy week day all! 9 weeks left! I am 16 inches long and 3.3 pounds today. I am starting to feel the fat filling in my skin and feeling a growth spurt coming on! Well, I have to tell you, I don't like hiccups. I had them last night and they just kept going and going. I tried to relax, but I think I inherited my Daddy's hiccups. Well, I'm going to go sleep them off.


Saturday, June 26, 2010

Roller-Coaster Red Head Syndrome

I love making up different games to keep me busy in here. I have played all sorts of games and the latest is Roller Coaster. It's where I pretend that I am on a roller coaster and go up and down. Well, I was playing it the other day, and like the pictures I've seen on google, I put my hands up and leaned forward to act like I was going down hill. Well, that did it! Mommy moved and NOW I am upside down on my head. Seeing as there is not a whole lot of room to reposition myself, I am now stuck. Well guess what? My head is now red! Blood is rushing to my head . I'm trying to not black out, so I am moving a whole lot more. Oh well! What can you do? It's kind of hard to type upside down too, so I'm going to have someone come and install a keyboard upside down for me. I would do it myself but my foot is in the way! Yeah go figure.


Friday, June 25, 2010


Mommy had enrichment night last night. I like enrichment night. They gave her a decadent, google helped with that word, cupcake! Hmmmm! It had a creamy filling, a sugar cookie on top and a rich thick frosting with a strawberry on top. It was so good. Did I mention I like strawberry jam? It's so yummy! Well, after I had that, I stretched a little, making Mommy uncomfortable, and then went to sleep. Hmmmmm, cup-cake! Time to dream.


Thursday, June 24, 2010

My First Break Dancing Lesson

It was sooooooo cool! In honor of so you think you can dance, I had a friend come over and give me a lesson in break dancing. Well, it was awesome. I learned how to spin on my head. I would twirl and twirl. I had to be careful though, I kept hitting Mommy! Oops! Anyways, all was fine and dandy until I stopped...I got the hiccups! Grrrrrrrrrr..... I hate those things. Well they finally stopped and I went to sleep. Now I get to do it again.

- Bater

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Baby Handled

I have to say, NEVER in my whole entire growing process have I EVER been so treated poorly than yesterday! Mommy had her 2 week check up yesterday, and as such, all was fine. Until the midwife asked for mommy to sit back and let her examine Mommy's tummy. Well, then it happened. There I was, in the bathroom, yes I was in a very vulnerable position, when all of sudden the midwife started to Baby Handle me! She pushed and squeezed and just made me uncomfortable! I couldn't believe it! I was SOOOOOOO mad that I let Mommy know I was NOT happy! I pushed every button I have and at the same time. Mommy was sorry it happened, so she promised me a hamburger for dinner. It was good! Daddy makes a mean hamburger! Well all is well again, I am just going to sleep this awful experience away.

- Bater

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

How Much Is That Bater In The Window?

How much is that Bater in the window?
The one with the wiggly toes.
With his buttons he pushes,
Mommy cries when he presses.
How much can this Bater be?

Well...I found some new buttons in the control room. I can make Mommy cry and get angry or sad or all three at once! I accidentally kicked in the wall last night and triggered all three. Oops! I'll try not to do that again.

- Bater

Monday, June 21, 2010

The New Bater Work Out Series

Are you a flabby baby wanting to look more lean? When you wake up in the womb, can you only kick for 2 hours at a time? When some one puts their hand on your Mommy's tummy, do you get frustrated that you can only kick weakly and not get them to remove their hand? Well, if that is true, you need help! I'm Bater. Over the last few weeks, I have developed a special technique that allows me to hone my skills and learn how to effectively communicate from within the womb. I want to share my skills with you! There are things like: the coordinated hand foot kick turn! The undulating fists of fury and the powerful heel of rib! I will teach it all! Now, "How much is it?" you ask yourself. Is it $1200? Nope. Is it $500? Nope. If you act now, you can get my whole workout for a simple easy hand on the stomache! Mommy's are standing by.

- Bater

P.S. - I thought about taking money, but the bills just wouldn't fit in Mommy's bellybutton.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Week Day! - 10

Happy Week Day! 10 weeks to go! I am 15.7 inches long now and weigh 3 pounds. About like a cabbage! Anyway, Daddy was flashing a light at me last night on Mommy's tummy. I could see it moving! Can you believe that?my eyes are developing well. Anyways, still cleaning up and preparing for August. The amniotic fluid has now stopped increasing and more and more of it is being consumed by me. So, I have a hunch I am going to be feeling more and more of Daddy's hand on Mommy's tummy. Oh well. Anyways, I'm a little groggy so I am going to sleep.

- Bater

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Bater Raceway

Daddy is just plain weird! Last night, after we had gone to dinner and had a very delicious French toast, I was nodding off in comfort and warmth. All of a sudden I heard Daddy saying: Vroom, Vroom screech! Then I felt this new thing running over the top of me! It was a hotwheel! He was racing hotwheels on me! Back and forth, back and forth. Around Mommy's belly button. I had to stay really still. Then, he took a little cement truck and filled up the belly button! He plugged up my connection to the outside. I couldn't believe it. But all is well. He started racing again, and caught a tire in the fresh cement. The car "blew up" and everything is back to normal. Weird!

- Bater

Friday, June 18, 2010

Reality Check

10 weeks on Sunday! Aaaaaaahhhhhh! (This message brought to you by: Father Freaking Out Thoroughly)

I guess it is time to get my stuff packed and the yard sale started. I got my eviction papers. I will miss my little part of Mommy! I have had some great times. I will probably have to get some contractors in here to fix a few things, but you know what? They are going to have to pull me out of here kicking and screaming! I think I will do a sit in, in protest!

- Bater

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Masters Classes

I don't like Mommy's Masters classes! It used to be that Mommy would teach all day, and that there would plenty of room for me to stretch. Masters classes are a completely different story! All Mommy does is sit and listen! I can hear her brain shutting down from here inside! Don't do it Mommy! Don't let the brain suckers get you! Anyways, she just sits down and does little else for hours on end. As such, she squishes me. I'm getting back at her though...I am staying on the right side of her tummy and refusing to switch sides. I figure, sooner or later I will hit a nerve.

- Bater

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Poking Prodding and Movement

I have a problem! Over the last couple of days, Mommy and Daddy have been poking and prodding me. They try to make me move and kick! Last night, Daddy was pressing with his thumb, right on my shoulder! Well, it was uncomfortable so I moved. They were very surprised because I moved my whole body. Now, I don't kick a whole bunch now because my legs are pinned to my chest, and I have changed! I am growing up. I am different than I was 2 months ago. So, Mommy and Daddy, please, soft pushes.

- Bater

P.S. - if you push too much...remember, I know where the sick button is!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Slip Slidy Hiney

So I have a complaint...every time, after Mommy is sitting down and she stands up, I slip and slide down into her pelvis! I have to then wiggle my way right back up into position until she can start walking normal again! What's the deal? She statred class again yesterday for two weeks and I am fine while she is sitting down, but the moment she stands up, whoop, there I go again right back down into her pelvis. Eleveator up!

- Bater

Monday, June 14, 2010

Baby Zerbits

So yesterday morning, here I was all sleeping when Daddy decided to come in and try and wake me up! He started talking to me through the belly. Nothing. So he tried the belly button. Nothing. Then he tried zerbitting Mommy's tummy and getting me to respond. Nothing. I was out! Mommy keeps taking this Benadryl stuff for allergies and I think it's making me sleepy! Anyways, when I get out of here the first thing I am going to do, when I learn to keep my head up, is zerbit Daddy!

- Bater

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Happy Week Day!

Happy 29 Weeks Day all! It was 29 weeks ago today that all of this started... CRAZY! Anyways, I am 2 1/2 pounds today about the weight of a butternut squash and am around 15 inches long! Wow! I just went through a growth spurt, so now Mommy's tummy is more round than before. Anyways, I am growing and sucking up a LOT of calcium for my bones. So naturally, the National Milk Producers Federation has asked me to give a little plug for them so...
Hi. I'm Bater. You may know me from my blog Bater Epistles. I'm a baby. When babies grow in their Mommys' tummies, we soak up tons of calcium! It is used for our bones to strengthen them and help them grow. So please drink Milk! (this advertisement is an approved message by the National Milk Producers Federation.) I am Bater and I approve of this message.
Well anyways, all is well. Mommy, Daddy and I are just recovering from a long day yesterday of yard work! Pass the Icy Hot and milkshakes!

- Bater

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Sleep, Energy, Run

Sleep. Sweet sleep!
Growing in a womb.
Needed for another day.
Running outside real soon!

I have been sleeping a lot the last couple of days. I think I am growing again. It's kind of a cruel joke. I am in a small confined place and now I get to make it smaller! Well, as such I am sleeping and stealing energy from Mommy. But don't worry, I will be out of here and running in no time! Time for sleep!

- Bater

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Lobsided Tummy From The Beyond!

I have been moving and trying to find a comfortable place to be for 3 days now, and yesterday I think I found it! It's on Mommy's right side. I like to be on the far side as much as possible! As such, the left side is now deflated. So you can imagine how Mommy's tummy looks. Anyways, I like to curl up and stay on the right side for a while and then, without Mommy knowing it, I will then push and flip and all, just to remind her I am here. Anyways, I am tired now, so off to sleep!

- Bater

Thursday, June 10, 2010

More Room Ribs Style

So here I am just growing like crazy, and I just can't find a comfortable place to be. It's cramped! Well, yesterday, I found a solution! I looked up, and thought to myself, what if I can press up! Well, I stood on my head and pressed upward and you know what? There was room! Glorious room! I stretched and stretched and found a rib as well! Turns out I was in Mommy's rib cage! Well, I was sitting pretty, until Mommy layed down and I got scrunched again. Oh well, I guess I will just have to live with it.

- Bater

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Baby Wrestling

Yesterday I had some friends over. We were having such a good time. We watched baby wrestling and then, when they went home, I tried some moves of my own. I would use the umbilical cord to climb to the top of the womb and then jump off and elbow slam the ground! I tried running and bouncing off the walls. I did a WHOLE bunch of things. Well, then last night I got tired and started to nod and boom, I was out! Well, I woke up for a bit and thought about what happened. I now realize, it was the glucose drink Mommy took for the Dr. WAY too much sugar! I am not responsible for what happened yesterday! Now...where did the TV go?

- Bater

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


So...sometimes and more often than not, nowadays, I am uncomfortable! It is getting more and more cramped. Because of this, I am having to do more and more to get comfortable. Last night, I couldn't take it any more, I had to do a somersault! I flipped over and re-aligned myself. I was comfortable. Then Mommy shifted again. And I had start all over again! I tell you, it's not fun when you have someone's colon in your back or an air bubble smacking you in the face. I will, however, continue to do more and more somersaults because they are fun and help me let Mommy know that I am still here!

- Bater

Monday, June 7, 2010

Flip Flop I was Turning Around...

Flip flop I was turning around, all about a Sunday Night! That's right just call me flip flopper! Mommy says I was supposed to be asleep yesterday, but you know what? I fooled her! I'm just kidding. I was SO excited and uncomfortable last night. One, I was excited because I could play more with the control room and see what the buttons do. (I found the bladder control last night.) And two, I couldn't get to sleep because my knee kept poking me in the eye! Oh well, maybe I am so tired I can just role over and sleep now. Well anyways, time to snooze!

- Bater

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Followup Pics

Here are the pics I said I would post. My ROOM!

Happy Week Day! - 3rd Trimester

Happy Week Day all! It is official! I am in the Third Trimester! I made it! 28 weeks. I am 14.8 inches long and weigh about 2 1/4 pounds, pretty much like a Chinese cabbage! Did you know as well that I have eyelashes! That's right...they tickle Mommy every now and then. Well...yesterday was a great day! I got to help paint my room! We did a lot. I will post some pics later.
I also found a GREAT new toy. I was working on renovations to make things a little bigger in here, when, all of a sudden, after tearing down a wall, I found a cool control room! I found the puke button, the nausea button, and all the nerve buttons that control Mommy! I may have over done it with the nerve buttons last night though, Mommy kept turning from side to side. She wasn't very comfortable. Anyways, all is well and I am going to sleep. Until tomorrow!

- Bater

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Painting and Yardwork

I am SOOOOO excited for today! I get to help do yardwork and... I get to help paint my room! Wooooooohhhhhhhoooooo! My room is finally getting done. Mommy has thought up a special design for my room. I get to help paint it. I hope I get to have some fun. Anyways, Daddy is going down to mow the lawn, so I better go and get my best hillbilly outfit on and go and help. Until tomorrow.

- Bater

Friday, June 4, 2010

Another Remodel

I have no more room! I can't move too much without bumping the table or the tv or the couch, sometimes all three! So...I called in a guy who does remodels. There was just one minor little problem...he couldn't get in to take the measurements he needed, so now I am stuck trying to expand Mommy's tummy on my own! I am trying a constant pressure technique where I push and push and push, and slowly I will move my couch or tv into the place I was pushing to cause the tummy to stretch! I know it will be just right when Mommy's belly button pops out! Until then, I will keep pushing. Now where can I stick this column I found?

- Bater

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Feeling Ignored

I miss my Daddy! Over the past few days, Daddy has been involved planning his photography workshops and teaching them. It has been quite boring without him. Mommy is fun, don't get me wrong, but she has been prepping her classroom for the summer and she just doesn't have a whole lot of time to be crazy like Daddy is. Last night he placed his mouth on Mommy's tummy and right next to my rear, and zerbitted my rear! I miss my Daddy. Now that he is done for a week, I hope he'll come and play! For those of you who think he should do more with me, leave a comment and or email him with an activity that he and I should do together! Let's get the lazy bum playing with me again!

- Bater

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


So yesterday was an interesting day for me. I dreamed for the first time. It was a dream of strange happenings. I don't remember exactly what it was about, but I remember jerking awake every now and then. Then I would drift back asleep and then a few minutes later, jerk again! Over and over again. It was very strange. I don't know if I like dreaming. It's almost as if my brain is doing a check list on parts of my body to make sure everything still works. Weird! Anyways, it is time for sleep again, let's hope I dream of sugar and some other food. It makes me happy!

- Bater

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Home Again!

Wow! So our vacation was nuts! We had a great time and then, coming home, we got stuck in the canyon for over an hour while some construction people worked on the road! Let's just say mile and miles and miles of cars backed up! So there I was sitting in the car and wanting to do something. But I couldn't, the seatbelt was restraining me! Grrrrrrrrrr! I wanted to do my latest trick: the hamster wheel! I press my back to Mommy's bladder and then I start pumping my legs and arms almost like a hamster in a wheel. It's quite fun! Anyways, we made it back and then went and bought a new couch and a bunch of baby stuff! I have a mattress now! Phew...I was starting to the worry I was going to be stuck sleeping on some springs! Well, now I don't have to. Well, I'm signing off and going to bed! It's good to be home again.

- Bater