Training for the Iron-Baby!

So yesterday marked the beginning of my training! Not a whole lot of people know or remember when they did this in the womb, but there is an extensive program that you start right around the 23 week mark, it is called: The Iron-Baby! This training program gets us ready for birth. You bulk up and strengthen so you can get out safely. Well yesterday I began my training! I was moving and dodging and twisting ALL over the place. I think I spooked Mommy. She wasn't expecting it. Also, I had to start consuming a whole lot more energy. I have to grow and gain a whole lot more in weight. So, naturally, I took a little too much and Mommy was out for the count by 8:15 last night. Crazy! Anyways, it was a tough day. Coach Greeny was still mean, but you know what? My skin has toughened since last time. Literally! ;)

- Bater

Another Adventure of Spy Baby!

So it showed up! I got my spy kit that I ordered online sometime last month. It was SO cool to play with last night! A little while ago I had to get rid of my UMBCam because I ran out of room. Well this spy kit has a snake cam! I can push it around and explore my surroundings. Last night, Mommy wasn't moving very much. She just kind of went back and forth in one spot, but she wasn't standing. So I whipped out my snake cam and pushed it out her nose and found: she was taping! She and Daddy were taping a room for Widgie and Pyler. I would have nothing of that. So I wound up the snake and went to sleep. So my day yesterday was nothing but boring! Oh well, I will need to talk Mommy into doing something fun.

- Bater

Stronger and Stronger

That's right. I'm getting stronger and stronger. Of late when I kick and Mommy isn't expecting it, she yelps. It's quite fun to be just sitting there and then boom! I punch her or kick her and she jumps a little! It makes me rock back and forth. Helps me relax. Last night Daddy put his hand on Mommy's tummy and I really pelted it! He finally felt me kick hard. Mommy did the same after Daddy, and her whole hand kind of jumped off her tummy! Anyways, fun times and time for sleep.

- Bater

UNO Attacked Me!

So there I am all content and just enjoying the evening when a foul and sinister thing happens...UNO attacks! That's right! A game! For those of you not familiar with this game, it is UNO but there is an automatic card dispenser that randomly spits you cards when a button is hit. I am going to ask the pregnancy council of america to add this to the list of dangerous things to do during pregnancy. I mean it would be fine and all, but Mommy laughs hysterically whenever someone gets a card! Her tummy muscles kept squeezing me over and over! I got a headache for the first time! I'm going to go and sleep it off! Oy!

- Bater

Nesting

So...Mommy is Nesting. A lot of people think that nesting comes from being pregnant. And they are right. However, there is more to it. It comes from us. The unborn. The wigglers who fidget and move. We like order. We like exploring. Believe it or not, we have a special kit that comes with us that allows us to hook up to our Mommys' nerves and control them! We like to explore. However, because we can't walk yet, it's all new to us, we like to have things put away and organized so we don't trip. We are very clumsy. So the next time you see a pregnant woman trip or nesting, it's because we have control for the moment. Now how can I convince Mommy to wear kneepads everywhere?

- Bater

Happy Week Day!

A Spaghetti Squash! That's what I am today! I weigh a pound and am as long as a spaghetti squash. Can you believe it? 22 weeks today and I am just growing like crazy. Over the last couple of days, I have noticed that I am EXTREMELY wrinkled! I chatted with a friend via email and they let me know, I'm wrinkled because my fat will start to fill in the wrinkles. Crazy! Anyways, it was fun yesterday as Mommy Daddy and I got to work in the yard for a quick hour. We pulled weeds! I really don't look forward to doing that when I get out of here. Well, I am plugging along and the irises of my eyes are grey. I need to have Mommy eat more carrotts, so I'm going to go wake her up. Until tomorrow!

- Bater

Growing Pains

Sleep is the best remedy! Lately I have been growing so fast that I started to hurt. So a couple of days ago I put an order in for the new Lazy Mommy and it got here yesterday morning. It's a special chair that has a built heating pad and massage system. It vibrates too! Oh sweet heaven! I got it put together and then turned it on. I didn't move all day! I woke up just now in the same position I went to sleep in! I think I passed out. Well, I just woke up in time to go to bed. So until tomorrow.

- Bater

The Screwdriver

I have finally consented to not sitting up in Mommy's tummy. I just couldn't take it, so I am just laying down now. It's different than what I am used to, but you know what? It's fun too! I get to rollover and twist. Last night I improved a twist that I affectionately call the screwdriver. I rollover with me hands out above my head. It's quite cool! Mommy felt it and didn't quite know what to make of it. Well I haven't done much of late, I think it's the weather. It keeps getting warm then cold. It changes so often it's like hypnosis! That's it, I'm hypnotized! Mommy said go to sleep, so I'm going to....

- Bater

Squished

So I can't lie. It's starting to get tight in here. Yesterday, I had to have a yard sale. I got rid of my couch and my TV. The bad thing though, was I had to just throw it away...no one showed up to the yard sale! I was totally bummed. So I had to cart them off and throw them in the dumpster. Anyways, I got a little more room for it. Here in a week, I am starting a new class. It's summer school for me. The class is SOUR215 or Staying Out of Uncomfortable Resting. It teaches me how to effectively communicate with Mommy to let her know I am uncomfortable! Before, all I have had was making her sick and giving her some slight kicks. Now I get to learn how to REALLY kick and punch hard. My gym teacher suggested it to me. Anyways, I hear Mommy's alarm, so that is my sleeping call. Until tomorrow.

- Bater

Daddy Came Home!!!

So Daddy had a photoshoot last night and I didn't do anything! It was boring. I just mulled around. Well, then I heard his voice coming as he entered the house and so I just started jumping with joy! I kicked and jumped and turned and did all I could to let Mommy know that I knew he was home. It worked. I Love my Daddy and my Mommy! Now if only I can keep him from talking to me while pressing his mouth to Mommy's stomach! Well time to sleep.

- Bater

Acrobatics and Swinging

Did you know you can make a swing out of intestines? It's so much fun! Mommy was feeling me swing last night. I also turn over and over. Mommy can't feel me doing it, but i do! It feels like you are on a trapeze or in space! It's fun! Did you know as well, that if you aren't careful, you can trap yourself and get all wound up? Well, now I have to figure out how to unwind...anybody have a knot book I can borrow? Anyways, I will solve that after a long nap!

- Bater

The Two Step.

I Love to dance! The idea that I can just turn on the feet and let the music guide me, that's just awesome. Mommy is really funny. Whenever I startup my dance lessons, I'm learning the two step right now, she starts to giggle. I don't know why she does, but she giggles away. Also, what's slightly annoying, is when she giggles, Daddy wants to know what is happening and comes over and puts his hand on Mommy's belly! He slaps it down and just destroys my studio! I have to wait until he leaves before I can startup again. Daddy, please be gentle! Anyways, I can feel Mommy waking up, so back to sleep for me!

- Bater

Happy Week Day!

Well happy week day all! You now know I am a Boy! Fine! I am now the length of a Carrot and weigh 3/4 of a pound. I am changing the color of the blog, now everyone knows what I am. Any ways. Yesterday Daddy, Mommy and I all went to work in the yard. We mowed and spread bark out and pulled weeds. It was fun. I got to just kick if something didn't feel right. Then we had a barbeque and had some kids over with their families. I didn't get to play though. Mommy won't let go of me for a second! She loves me! Anyways, I'm tired again so I am going to go to sleep. Oh by the way, my eyelids finally completely formed. I still can't open them though. Grrr.....

- Bater

Fine! Have it your way!

So, Mommy poked me and poked me yesterday. She fed me more and more sugar so that I would move. So I crossed my legs. They really wanted to find out what I am, so, in retaliation, I am saying very little and so made the following video.



Now I am going to go back to sleep and sleep the bruises off.

-Bater

Finding Out

Well. Guess what? Mommy and Daddy are subjecting me to sheer humiliation in 5 hours. I think I am ready. I have my sleeping pills, my blankets, my rubber ducky, my smoke screen and my elctro magnetic pulse gun. I will not go down without a fight! You will never find out that I am a...wait almost gave that away! I have a bag with a special lock so that the cat can't get out! ;) Be aware, I will not let anyone find out! I will keep my gender a secret. Unless Mommy feeds me some yummy pop and sugar before hand. Mmmmmm.....sugar! Oh well, I guess I can let them know that I am a...

- Bater

Grrrrrrrrrr.......Arrrrrrrrrrr!

It's been dormant for months. A little town is going about it's business. For years the town has had nothing to worry about...until now. Deep inside the Mommy, something stirs! A foot here. A foot there. A hand. An elbow. The menance of the Mommy, comes to life. There is discomfort. There are shouts of "Ooh! That was weird!" Little does she know, Baby Bater is lurking inside! Waiting for that perfect time. Waiting to simply come out and say "Hey Mommy! Guess what? I'm a ________!" Run for your lives. Log into Bater epistles tomorrow to find out the end to this drama. Only an ultrasound can tell.

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So what do you think? That's the beginning of my new Movie. I haven't found a title for it yet. Hence the "Grrrrrrrrrr.......Arrrrrrrrrrr!". Anyways. Stay tuned for tomorrow. Mommy and Daddy are going to subject me to torture and find out if I am a boy or a girl. Now where are my pants?

- Bater

Gases Exp...lode?

Oops! I really did it yesterday. I got a new chemistry set and started playing with some liquids. As I was mixing liquids, I noticed that they were changing into a gaseous state. It was really cool! So I decided to mix a really LARGE batch. It exploded on me and Mommy's tummy filled with gas! It just kept going and going! Sorry Mommy! I didn't mean to cause so much pain!! She had to skip class and go home early. Mommy just kept blaming it on her gall bladder, so I guess it's ok. However, I do have to say, it was awesome! I think part of the gas made was laughing gas. I just floated around giggling the whole time. It was rather pleasant. So to all you aspiring chemists out there: make sure you are not in a 8x8" stomache and that you are in a well ventilated room when mixing unknown chemicals. Also, read the labels! My chemicals said: not for use inside the womb. Now they tell me! Yeesh!

- Bater

Straight Up or Longwise

So I can't make the decision. I can't decide! Right now I am straight up and down inside Mommy's tummy. I don't like being on my side, however, it is QUITE uncomfortable when Mommy sits down. I always get squished, so I have to kick and prod until she leans back. Have you ever had this problem? Sometimes I just kind of go nuts and start punching. Last night, daddy had his hand on Mommy tummy and I didn't like that so I punched him hard. But he couldn't feel it. So I'm gonna start bulking up. Mommy, start drinking more milk and eating more meat! This baby has a date with punching Daddy! Now where are the beef jerky sticks?

- Bater

Flash Baby!

I'm a maniac! Maniac...that's for sure! And I'm dancing like I've never danced before. (to the tune of flash dance)

So I guess I got a little out of control Saturday. I LOVE music. So when I was hearing it, I started to move a whole bunch. I even got Mommy to think she was going to bruise! That's silly, I'll cleanup my mess before she notices!

Well all is well and Mommy and Daddy are just plugging along getting ready for me. They got me a crib on Saturday. Once I know how to move on my own, I am TOTALLY climbing out of that thing. Anyways, I am now going to go grease myself up and go to sleep. Good morning!

- Bater

Happy Week Day!

It's official! I'm half way there! WOOHOO! 20 weeks today and it's nothing but down hill from here on out. Literally! I am now being measured from head to heel and not head to rump. They measure me from head to rump first because I am curled up and it is difficult to measure. Now, from 20 weeks on they measure head to heel. I am the size of a bannana. Also, did you know, I am swallowing more and more. It is causing me to produce something called meconium. It's a black substance in my tummy. Thick and sticky. I'm saving it for Daddy, for when I get out of here.

So yesterday I heard this glorious sound coming from outside. It had a beat and was fun. So I started to dance. I found out later it was music being played on a guitar. So it's official: I like music! For my first birthday I would like a recording contract....ok maybe not. But I do like music. Well, until tomorrow...

- Bater

The Big Scary Birthday Party

Mommy and Daddy threw a surprise party for their friend last night. There were TONS of people around. I think I inherited my Mommy's sense of trepidation around large groups, because I didn't move the whole time. I think a lot of it came from just being in marvel at the thought that this will happen to me when I get out of here! It's crazy! Also, we need to take a moment of silence for Daddy's pictures. He took some great shots at the party but when he went to download the pictures there was nothing on the memory card. It got erased! ...............
Ok that's long enough. Well, I'm tired, so I will see you all tomorrow!

- Bater

Enough With The Pokin' Already

I have an impatient Daddy. I know, I know, this may come as a surprise to you. Last night, he wanted to feel me moving. I was having nothing of that. He would put his hand on Mommy's stomach and then I would stop moving. Well, he didn't like that. He would sit there for minutes waiting to feel something. Well, there I was just sitting still, laying low when from the side came Mommy. She poked me! She pressed hard! I didn't like that. So Daddy got to feel me move for the first time. Grrr.... As a result of that I am now opening a new help organization called:BAND-AID - Babies Against Neurotic Daddys Ample Impatient Deviousness. We need to spread the word! Daddy's across the world suffer from ABS - Annoying the Baby Syndrome. It is estimated that approximately 80 - 90% of all daddys in the world suffer from this. So naturally, the babies suffer as well. If you would like to help, send an email to baterepistles@gmail.com. Any help is appreciated. And Mommy? Enough with the pokin' already! Oy! (yes I am pseudo Jewish today)

- Bater

An Accordion

Last night Mommy insisted on sitting down and squishing me. I felt like an accordion! She would squish me and the I would put my hands up and feet down and press. She would lighten up and then a few minutes later start again. If you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be an accordion, now you know. I wish I knew some polka to go along with it! Anyways, it's ok however, because I got the last laugh...she can't sleep on her stomach any more! He he he!

- Bater

P.S. - I can't believe that something as little as the question of whether I am a boy or a girl, can cause such "tension". I mean really, in a week you will find out, so Mommy stop calling me a girl, and Daddy stop calling me a boy. I am now a "?". Just call me the baby formally thought of as a boy/girl. I will be signing autographs all week!

The Lazy Blood Cell River

So last night I just decided to take a break from the growing and go down to the Blood Cell River by my new place and just sit with my feet dangling in the river. I just kind of dangled my feet in the river and kicked back and forth really slow like. My Mommy felt me kicking and she started to laugh. But that was ok, because I didn't have a care in the world. Imagine a very calm and soothing place. You listen and you can here the thunderous roar of your Mommy's heart beating. The gentle gurgle of digestion all around you. The mild smell of dinner coming down your umbilical cord and the slight reddish glow of light coming through the stomach! Oh these are the days. The lazy days of the blood cell river.

- Bater

Pondering

Daddy is sick again. I ponder why he gets sick so often and if that's what is in store for me when I get out of here! Have you ever asked yourself, which red blood cell will float by today. Or, how many kicks does it take to get your Mommy to roll over? There is my favorite as well: which toe do I suck on now? All of these questions haunt me, and keep me up at night. Little does Mommy know, but my schedule is not reversed from hers because she stops moving at night, it's because I keep worrying about these questions. Her heart burn is because of me. Well, now it's time to drift off asleep pondering how to move Mommy's intestines around for my third bedroom! See it's stuff like this that keeps me up! Oh well.

- Bater

Floating

Floating a poem by bater

No resistence, light or chairs.
Not much in here plenty or hair.
Rotating, flipping feeding on Mom.
Trying to understand why I'm wrinkled in my palm.

Wait for it...floating!

(a light clicking sound from the mass of crowds finger applauding)
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That was my experience I had last night when I read some poetry at the local hangout named: the Tummy. All the mitochondria had DNA of their own and were clicking. The white blood cells had to protect me from the t-cells as they were pressing. Looks like I have some fans!

- Bater

Happy Week Day!

Happy Week Day All! 19 weeks today! Almost to the half way mark. Anyways, today I am as large as an heirloom tomato. This morning something just kind of clicked in my brain, and now I can hear, see (even though my eyes are shut I am sensitive to light), hear, taste and feel. My senses are working! Woohoo! Also, believe it or not, I am sprouting my hair on my head. It's cool, I won't be bald. Also, something really weird started happening...I have a waxy build up forming all over my body. I googled "waxy embryo coating", and the second link says it is the vernix caseosa. It helps to keep me from pickling in the amniotic fluid and greases me up for delivery! So...just call me your little pickle from now on. I think I will be a Kosher pickle as well.

- Bater

Family Workouts

Last night we went to Daddy's mission reunion. His mission president is from Colombia. Anyways, his president of course gave him a hug and yet noted how he was getting a little chubby! So, as of today, the whole family is going to exercise more! Daddy made me run around and around last night. I was told to do 100 laps around Mommy's tummy. I'm glad, those are easy. I just have to turn over. Now, I don't know if Mommy and Daddy will keep exercising, but I know I will! I'm cramped, but I like to move! I think I am going to train for the baby marathon. If I start now, when I get out and start crawling, I should be a pretty good contender for crawling 26 miles in 2 hours! Yeah I know that's a lofty goal, but I can do it! Now, where are those knee pads? Wait...where are my knees?

- Bater

The Bad News

My Mommy's Dr. just gave us the bad news...I have 2 weeks before I am exposed! That's right, 2 weeks before you find out whether I am a boy or a girl! I have to come up with a way to hide it. There has to be a way to hide who I am, at least for a little longer....hmmmm....what about lead lining Mommy's stomach? Now where can I get that much Lead?

Anyways, all is well. Yesterday I got pulled over by the womb cops and was told to spread 'em. Mommy felt that, and she thought that was pretty weird. The cops thought I was smuggling white blood cells across the intestinal border. I wasn't, but they thought I was. Oh well! No harm done. Well, off to sleep.

- Bater

Memories, Songs and Food

So today is Daddy's Birthday! Happy Birthday Daddy! I wonder what my Day will be like? I know I am just going to break down out of pure joy, because I will finally be out of here! Wow! Living in a tummy where the walls get closer because you get bigger, it's just a strange thing! So Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, and Grandpa and my Great Aunt and Uncle went out to dinner last night. Mommy insisted on eating food I don't like, but she hid it with other food. It was already rushing into my body before I knew it! Grrrr....I need to figure out how to catch her doing that!

Well I am taking up a new career in singing...interent singing. You can sing the tune and lyrics yourself, that way I am only as good as you are! Anyways, my first song is sung to the tune of "Leaving on a Jet Plane"

All my cells are swellin', I'm ready to grow
I'm waiting here inside the womb.
I hate to wake you up and say feed me!

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
This baby's impatient he wants to be born
Already, I'm so crowded it's time to kick

So pat me and rub me more
Watch what you eat off of the floor
Hug me like you've never hugged before

'Cause I'm moving in mommy's tummy
I don't know when I'll be outta here
I hope you never eat yellow snow.

- Bater