Happy Week Day!

Well it's official! My Daddy has been waiting to say this for 10 whole weeks: I am now the size of a Kumquat! He loves that word! I woke up this morning with the strangest feeling. I felt this tingling sensation all over my body. I couldn't figure it out until I realized, I have hair! Tiny little hairs all over! Cool. I also realized I can bend my legs and limbs now too! Woohoo! You know I just can't wait until my nervous sytem gets built and I can move my limbs voluntarily rather than involuntarily. The nerves are supposed to start growing this week. Also... I have a slight problem. I can't sit up straight. Turns out my head takes up 50% of my body mass. So I can't move very well. Oh well, that will change soon enough.

- Bater

The Trash Compactor and Spilling the Beans

Last night was awful! My trash compactor went on the fritz. Every time Mommy sat down in an upright position, rather than leaning back, the thing would open up and spill all the bio matter I wasn't using any more, all over the floor! I got so angry at one point, I used a hammer to try and fix it. While I was swinging, I reached back a little too far and hit the wall of Mommy's tummy. That probably didn't feel good. She felt a strong sharp pain. Sorry Mommy! There were several times Mommy said to Daddy: "Your CHILD is making me VERY uncomfortable right now!" I never knew that if I was good I was Mommy's and if I was bad I was Daddy's...good to know!

Anyways, I got the trash compactor fixed, I shipped it to Sears for over night repairs. They even brought it back and installed it for me!

Finally, well it's official, I'm just getting too big for people NOT to notice me. Last night more friends of Mommy and Daddy, guessed that she was pregnant. Mommy's tummy is growing...oops I mean, I am growing!

- Bater

New Favorite Food

I LOVE Taco Bell nachos! I LOVE them! I love them sooo much I made Mommy and Daddy run by and get some at 9:15 last night! The creamy fake cheese and salty nasty chips, make for the best flavor. I can feel the food coming into me from the umbilical cord and it makes me happy. I needed a little extra something yesterday as Mommy and I had a Dr.'s appointment. They took 4 vials of blood from Mommy and even I went a little light headed! After that, we went to see my friends widgie and pyler. It was fun. Anyways, until next time: pssssst, yo quiero Taco Bell!

- Bater

A Gym class, a Paint set and Me

So I started gym class yesterday. They have you run around and around and consume as much energy as possible! It helps my muscles grow and become strong. I never knew my little legs could go so fast in the air! Anyways, I don't like my gym teacher he's a little green with envy as I'm getting out of here in 7 months but he's not! Here see for yourself:



My Mommy said she had a present for me. She said she wanted to help me learn how to paint. So she let me know she would be sending some paints soon. She sent me a picture:



Finally, you know being me you get to see some weird perspective, (figuratively speaking), so I decided to attach my camera to Mommy's belly button and see what I can see. Well it turns out my friend, widgie, was looking my way right when I started looking out:



Gotta love the world! I can't wait to get out of here and start to have fun!

- Bater

Coming Between Mommy and Daddy

So last night Daddy gave Mommy a hug and it was official: I came between them. With Mommy's tummy growing and Daddy's tummy in the third trimester for 10 years, they couldn't hug without squishing me. Can I just give a holler out on behalf of all Babies: please, parents, hug to the side! It's a lot more comfortable for all parties involved! Trust me, it's a lot more claustrophobic in here than you think. Imagine minding your own business when all of a sudden you see the wall in front of you falling in! Wow! Crazy! I mean, I was talking with the other Babies at Mommy's work, a pair of twins, and they have no room to move. Can you imagine hugging and collapsing the walls for them?! Anyways, maybe I can work something out with Mommy so, if she wants to hug Daddy, she could just let me know and I will move to her back for a time! ;)

-Bater

New Food

Last night Mommy and Daddy went to eat at a restaurant and had different pizzas. Turns out that I REALLY like BBQ chicken! It's quite delectable. I also had something Mommy has never had while I was around: hot chocolate. Oh how yummy and delicious. So I wrote a poem:

Ode to the Chocolate by Bater

Chocolate sweet chocolate
How sweet and warm and wet
Mommy doesn't like you much
But i have got the food clutch!

-Bater

A New Name

That's right, just call me "fetus"! I am no longer an embryo. The "embryo" dot has been removed. I am a fetus! It's quite a "feet" for "us", Mommy and I. Anyways... I get to start a new class today. It's called: WIT 100: Winning Intellectual Troubles. This class helps me use my newly formed brain to intellectually get out of trouble. This won't click in until I'm about 32. The book is: The Adventures of Huckleberry Bater. It's a short autobiography. Meant to illuminate my decisions. I don't know if I am going to like it. As far as my other classes, they went well, I graduated early from them. Anyways, time for class. See you tomorrow.

- Bater

Happy Week Day!

My tail is gone! My tail is gone! Repeat... All tailage is no longer! Woohoo! Happy week day all! I am the size of a grape and about an inch long. All my major organs are finished assembling themselves, and I am poised for rapid growth! Look out food I'm coming, sorry Mommy. You know it is quite frustrating when you have fully developed eyes but you can't use them because your eyelids are fused shut! Grrrr....

Did you know I have tiny little ear lobes as well? ( I'm milking this for as much sympathy as I can.) Anyways, I'm growing and loving every moment of it.

- Bater

Thought

So last night, there I was minding my own business when BAM, a thought just lambasted me from the side! Can you believe that? A thought! In me! My Brain is working! WOOHOO! It said: Feed me seymore! I don't know what that means, but food is ALWAYS a good thing! So I started pushing those buttons and sure enough Mommy ate some banana bread! Wow! That was yummy! I'll have to ask for that more often. So after that I tried another thought. But you know what? I couldn't force it! Oh well I will just have to wait for the next great idea!

- Bater

Sayings and a New Button

I have been learning a lot from the BTC. All this learning has made me think about different things. I really have had some wonderful experiences and they have added some more perspective to different sayings.

1. "Through the eye of the beholder" - I got to go adventuring around in Mommy and stumbled upon her nose. That was scary. It means a lot more when you are inside the beholder!

2. "All dressed up with nowhere to go" - isn't it so true! There I was all dressed up ready for my close up and first picture and they had a LOUSY camera. And I STILL can't go anywhere.

3. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" - So true ! Mommy and Daddy SO wanted me to come along. They are so excited. I keep having Daddy talk to me through Mommy's stomache. I'm sure it will change to singing shortly. However, sadly, Mommy is sick ALL the time.

Just some added insight from a kidney bean. With that said, I also found a new button! When I push it, Mommy instantly falls asleep and lays her head on the nearest wall! It's awesome! Now if only I can find a button that will make her move in what ever direction I want!?

- Bater

Clothing

I have to say that I am SO thankful that Mommy got some maternity pants last night! I have been pushing and pushing on her stomache for a VERY long time. She finally got so uncomfortable that she went out and bought some last night. Thank goodness. I now have room to expand!

As I sit and ponder things before I head off to classes, I love listening to my Mommy's heart. It's rythmic, soothing, and loud! It keeps me up ALL night moving around and all. But that's ok...when I get out of here it will be my turn to make noise for Mommy and Daddy during the night! ;-)

-Bater

BTC - Baby Training Center

I don't know if you all remember this but at 8 weeks in here, I get to start going to the BTC. This is where I start to learn about my new body and the changes that are and will be happening.

So I arrived at the BTC on Monday. They have you meet in a big room. You get to bring whatever might help you feel comfortable, I brought my camera, and then they make you go through one door and push whatever you brought through another! It was hard to do, but I made it. Next they stick an "embryo" dot on you. That let's everyone know that you are the new person on the block. Classes then start and you are off and learning!

I have a couple of classes. The first class I have is BUM 101 - Backside Under Management. It helps me understand what to do with my backside now that I am losing my tail. Our text book is: A Tail of Two Sittings. I have one other class right now entitled: WIGGLE 215 - Waiting Inside for Grattifyingly Great Lengths of Epidermis. This class helps me understand the point of my skin and how I need to keep moving in order to stretch the skin and not let it dry out. Our text book is: Inferno - A Bun in the Oven.

Well time to get to class. See you tomorrow!

-Bater

Internet Security

Who new that Daddy would do that to me?! Yesterday, Daddy hacked my account and placed that entry about bedding! Everyone knows that that stuff wouldn't fit in here! I reprimanded him and hopefully he won't do it again! Change your passwords folks! Don't write them down on sticky notes and stick them to your Mommy's belly button! I'll never do THAT again!

Anyways now back to our regularly scheduled cuteness...ME!

I LOVE BUBBLES! They make me so happy. I blow them up and watch them float around. Then Mommy takes them and gets rid of them. I don't know how but maybe you all do? Anyways...she gets rid of them and I keep making more. I have the new UMBBubble maker 5000! It makes German bubbles and French bubbles and Swedish bubbles and very small micro bubbles! Now if only I can get a nacho cheese machine!

-Bater

Time to Remodel

So I can't take it any more! I need to remodel this place. I need a little more room for me to grow in here. I think I will start by moving Mommy's diaphragm into her lungs and then her liver into her spleen. The intestines can wrap around me and that will provide a nice cushion. That should do it for moving things.

Now I am thinking of different patterns to use for wall and pillows and bedding. I need your help! Here are the things I am goig to get but I don't know what patterns I like...remember i'm still blind. So let me know which ones you like:

1. bedding style.
   
   1. http://babiesrus.digby.com/shops/web/babiesrus?cmd=item&itemId=3883640&vendorId=90
   2. http://babiesrus.digby.com/shops/web/babiesrus?cmd=item&itemId=3631986&vendorId=90
   3. http://babiesrus.digby.com/shops/web/babiesrus?cmd=item&itemId=2991740&vendorId=90

We will leave it at that for the moment.

-Bater

Happy Week Day!

Woohoo! My tail is almost gone and I have webbed fingers and toes! My neural pathways are being built and my lungs are starting to come in! I'm almost a fetus! Woohoo! I'm also moving around incesantly, I think it's time for a remodel, the bed is uncomfortable. I'm about the size of a kidney bean.

OOPS! I think yesterday I used just a LITTLE too much energy from Mommy. Mommy slept in until 9 and didn't eat anything. Since she was asleep, I figured I could take advantage of the situation and consume more energy. Well, that wasn't good, Mommy was exhausted all day long! But that's ok! I'm now growing like a weed!( I hope not like a thistle, that would hurt!) Woohoo!

-Bater

My Cellular Gedcom

So there are a lot of you who are wondering about my family tree. Since I don't know what it is until I get out of here, I will share with you my cellular family tree.

Back in December, around the 7th, I began receiving chromosomes from my parents. I began forming DNA from pair 1. They nourished me and helped me develop many key parts needed for further development. Pair 16 provided me with my bloodcells where as pair 23...well let's just say I will keep the results of that pair secret until about 5 months. ;) It has been a tough life so far. Digesting and sleeping and growing. Why I had to grow up hill in both directions in 3mm of fluid! I tell you...you young one have it easy! Now I am 7 weeks along... Many more pair have contributed to my growing. All in all though I'm just a melting pot for chromosomal DNA.

-Bater

Hugs

I love hugs! I love it when Mommy and Daddy give each other hugs. I do have one complaint though... Daddy's tummy. I'm growing and as such, Mommy's tummy is growing too. I used to be ok with the this, but now, their tummys touch when they hug. I don't like that. I think it's what they call claustrophobic. I keep growing and everything in here keeps getting smaller and smaller.

Last night as I was floating around I had something enter my head. That's right, I have two brain halves growing. I'm starting to want to think for my own! That's scary! Anyways, I like the feeling...i'm starting to resemble a person! Woohoo!

-Bater

Letters of Recommendation

So asked for a few letters of recommendation. This is what I got:

---

Grandma Gene Doner

Let's face it the kid has great genes! Any kid should be so lucky.

Grandma Gene Doner on the Mom's Side

---

Associate Grandmum

To whom it may concern:


Bater Bright is one of the Brightest young cells I know. I have only known Bater since Christmas morning, but this cell has been blessed with considerable talent, patience and the uncanny ability to think, plan and act on thoughts for such a young age. Bater has an indepth knowledge of Cells and Human Anatomy, and is self disciplined. Bater is good natured, shows humility and has demonstrated his excitement and enthusiasm for life. Bater has loving and intelligent parents who can give this cell all the attention and guidance it needs to be a productive citizen and would be a great asset to your company.

Thank you for your consideration.


Associate Grandmum

---

Grandma

Dear Bater,

I was overjoyed when your Mommy and Daddy told your grandpa and me about your future arrival. It has been a Grandma's pleasure to have read your blog posts over these past couple of weeks. I am very excited to watch your progress and the the excitement that you have about your own growth. I can't wait for these next few months to pass so I can see you. So far though, you are definitely the most capable and the best looking blueberry in the patch.

All my love,

Grandma

---

Uncle Pathan Nuzey

12 January 2010

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing on behalf of Bater, the son or daughter of Dude and Eye, regarding a position at your company.

I’ve known ‘lil Bater for almost three weeks now. Although I don’t know if he/she is a girl or a boy, I can attest to the fact that he/she is awesome (aka the forrealforshizzle). As Bater’s honorary uncle I’ve witnessed (secondhand) countless amazing things—here are just a few:

• Already grown to the size of a poppy seed and has a fully functioning heart
• Very photogenic when cross sectioned with an ultrasound
• Soon to have working fingers and toes
• Very persuasive (able to make Mom eat whatever sounds good that day)
• Emails and texts are informational yet witty

I highly recommend Bater for any position, at any company, at any time, in any galaxy, and in any dimension (I probably went too far with the dimension part... I’m just trying to ensure that my letter is applicable in the future).

Please call me if you need any other information.

Sincerely,

Pathan Nuzey

Vice President of Awesome Uncles Inc.
555-555-5555

First College class - Baby got back!

Yesterday was so cool! Mommy went to her college class and brought me along! I got to go to a college class and I'm not even born! It would gave helped even more had I a brain to absorb the information. Oh well! The chairs that Mommy had to sit on were extremely hard and uncomfortable. For me, however, all is good...baby got back! That's right, my tail is starting to shrink! Woohoo! The class was quite boring at times as it seems the professor enjoyed taking about himself too much. Oh well! All in all it was a good day!

-Bater

How to Cripple Mommy in One Easy Step

Push on her tummy!

You know I never knew it, but it is quite easy to cripple Mommy. When someone pushes on her tummy, I push back and supposedly that makes her sick. Yesterday Mommy was feeling quite sick, so today I'm going to be a lot better.

Last night Daddy made a delicious dinner. I've never had it before, it was home made beef stroganoff. Mmmmm...I liked it. I hope I get some more new foods. I really like to change my mind every week. I get to have different foods as I go. Let's hope I get something new soon!

-Bater

Hard Times

So the economy is really bad. I am a little worried about what will actually happen to me when I get out, so I wanted to start early. I am posting my Resume now in hopes that in 22 years or more from now, I will be able to find a job:

Bater(soon to have a name)

---

Mommy's stomach - baterepistles.blogspot.com - baterepistles@gmail.com

Purpose: To allow me to gain experience that will enable me to exceed expectations and to overcome the current economic issues.

Poppy Seed - Week 1-4

• Helped my body grow from an implantation to the size of Poppy Seed
• Majored in Bio-Molecular re-organization
• Managed to make something from nothing.

Sesame Seed - Week 5

• Moved large quantities of red blood cells through a highly delicate machine
• Developed a method for expanding and contracting large quantities of air

Lentil Bean - Week 6

• Helped begin and continue the manipulation of several millions of cells.
• Managed and coordinated the creation of structures intricately woven together

Skills

• Bio-Molecular re-organization
• Spelunking/Mountain climbing
• Hotair Ballooning
• Typing 45 wpm
• HTML, Javascript, CSS
• Photography

Interests

• Eating
• Moving
• Having fun with Mommy

-Bater

Happy Week Day!

So WOW! I have doubled in size since last week! I am now the size of a blueberry. I am ready to take on any lentil bean in my way. I have a tail that is slowly shrinking and my intestines are partially in my umbilical cord. Also my hands and feet are starting to grow, WOOHOO!

So I have a new favorite movie: Charlie and the chocolate factory ( the older version). I just love it when violet blows up into a blueberry...she looks just like me! Anyways, I am also growing my eyelids, pancreas, and liver. Did I mention as well that my skin is forming as well, albeit it is paper thin. Go me!

-Bater

Top 10 cravings (thing mommy can eat)

1. Mild Totasted onion bagels with butter salt and pepper.
2. Boiled eggs
3. Deli meats
4. Cheese sticks
5. Any vegetables - not raw celery
6. Apple sauce
7. Beans and rice
8. Hot sauce
9. Peanut butter sandwiches
10. Yogurt

-Bater


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A New Camera

So after getting my picture taken and realizing that they REALLY botched the picture, I mean they didn't even get my smile they must have set their aperature to f.000000001, I decided to get me a camera. It arrived last night, the UMB7 Mark III. Slick camera. Comes with the latest HD video for biology films!

Anyways, I took the camera out of the box and plugged it into the power supply, the UMBilical cord, and started blasting away. I couldn't use ambient light because it's dark in here, at least I think it is, I still don't have my eyes I wish they would grow already. Anyways, I snapped a COOL picture of a red bloodcell but it died on me. So turned to some self portraiture. It didn't turn out. I tried the auto timer but I had to run into the button then swim out front, remember no legs or arms. I realized it was attached to me through the cord, so all I got was Mommy's tummy. There was a point where I was snapping away when Mommy rolled over on me. So I pulled the magic muscle and made her go potty. Anyways to you who like pictures:



Looking out from within
ISO - 100 @ 2.8 for 1/250

-Bater

Growling at daddy

So yesterday, Daddy put his hand on mommy's stomach and I growled at him. I don't like it when I don't have food and people put their hands on Mommy's stomach. Do you know of any other wild animal that you approach and try to touch wihout presenting food? So for all you people out there who want to pet me: bring an offering of food!

-Bater

Hello World!

public class Bater{
  public static void main(String[] args){
     System.out.println("Hello World!");
     System.out.println("I have a heart beat!");
  }
}

Hello world!
I have a heart beat!

I'm the white blob.

-Bater

Today's the Day!

Today is my first picture! Woohoo! I've got my tuxedo, my cologne, my room is cleaned, my mouth is forming so I'm going to try and smile, and my nerves are coming in so I'm nervous! Sorry Mommy, that's probably why you are weak kneed. I noticed yesterday that I was taking WAY too much energy from Mommy so she was extra exhausted. I need to make sure to leave enough energy for her to function. Oops! Any ways, today is the big day. My first Dr.'s appointment and they are going to take my picture. I am excited. Mommy and Daddy are excited too. Hopefully they can get to keep a picture and send me a copy. I will post it here when I get one. Today will be awesome!

-Bater

New Chemistry Set

I LOVE chemistry! I got a new set yesterday and started playing around with it. I can make all sorts of cool sounds and smells. Mommy keeps thinking she's a bull frog from all of the burps she keeps letting out, but that's just me playing with my dry ice and helium. Don't ask me how that works, it just does. I tried out some different solutions and there is one that I really like. When I combine the different compounds it makes a growling noise and Mommy starts to eat. I like to play with this compound ever 2-3 hours. It's fun!

Did you know that sulfur is fun too! It makes things stinky AND makes Mommy's tummy expand! Woohoo! Now I found some "sugar and spice" amongst my set but I don't want to mix those. You know what you get when you mix sugar and spice and everything nice and I don't want one of "those" in here with me.

-Bater

My Great Adventure

Yesterday I had an awesome time! I was able to take a great adventure and explore my surroundings. I started by looking around and making sure I had plenty to eat. I noticed I have a cord connected to me and I get all the food I need from there, so I was set. I left home around 1 in the morning and started climbing upward. I entered a long tunnel that was bumpy and had a lot of water on the ground. I didn't have to worry about seeing because I still can't see.

The tunnel was bumpy as I said before and extremely long. Several times I slipped but my cord held on. I finallly made a corner around 8 in the morning and found myself in a large chasm. There I looked around and there was only one other hole to continue my journey in and that was located in the ceiling. I took out my spelunking gear that I purchased from REI, and made quick work of the space.

Once at the mouh of the cave, I looked up. I could feel a cool air every now and then that oscillated evenly and every so often. I followed the long road upward, and when I turned the final corner, I could finally see, figuratively of course, a large punching bag directly above my head! I climbed and climbed and found a cave to my right, immediately before the punching bag. I went into the cave and kept climbing.

I ended up in a cave. It had two exits. There were stalacmites and stalactites all over. I then saw BUBBLES! Tons and tons of BUBBLES! and tons of kids playing. It was nursery! I took a wrong turn. This definitely wasn't the fridge! Well I turned right around and went back home! The world is scarey! I think I will stay right here for a long time! I hope that's ok Mommy!

-Bater

First Day of School

So I just turned 6 weeks yesterday, yay me! Today I get to go with mommy to school for the first time. I hope I don't get to bored. I think they will be way ahead of me. I haven't even learned how to see. I have eye sockets but no eyes! Oh well, I will just play around with the toilet! ;)

- Bater

Happy Week-Day

Happy week-day to me! Happy week-day to me! Happy week-day to me! Happy week-day to me!

I'm 6 weeks old today and finally that stupid little tadpole tail is going away. Last week was fun! I am growing and expanding. I found this neat little thing attached to my stomach last night...a little cord. All of sudden I could breathe. I had a little bit of a problem, I started taking in just a little too much. I blew up like a helium balloon at first but I got the hang of it soon after. I checked myself out in the mirror and I am about the size of a lentil bean. Woohoo! Time for an upgrade!

- Bater

Happy Week-Day!

Awesome! I just turned 6 weeks! I am now the size of a lentil bean! Woohoo! I woke up this morning and there were these little nubs on my body...4 to be precise. I'm getting my arms and legs! Woohoo! I also noticed my eyes and ears. They are coming in too. Wow, growing up makes me hungry. I wonder if my mommy will increase the food intake. She should really be eating 6 times a day.

Oh and by the way...my brain is coming in too! Wow this week is going to be crazy!

-Bater

P.S. - I'm looking to be throwing a party here soon. What should the theme be?

Preparations Begin

Mommy and Daddy are starting early to prepare for me coming. They have been cleaning and just bought a diaper bag for me. I'm touched but I'm pretty sure that anything bigger than a blueberry is just too big for me.
They need to consult with me more often. My room is starting to take shape. Now to find a crib. I'm thinking bling bling and MTV. Maybe they can come by and tour my crib when I get out.

-Bater

P.S. The diaper bag

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! This is my year! I am so excited I have so many things I want to do this year! I have tons of goals and tons of resolutions!

On Wednesday my mommy has a Dr.'s appointment where they are going to take a picture of me. It's going to be the first time she will see me, so I have been furiously changing things around in here. I called in an insulation expert yesterday. He blew some foam insulation in and finally my mommy's tummy doesn't cave in when she buttons her jeans. It's quite roomy in here now. I've decided that I like food as well, so now I have been trying to get my mommy to eat way more than she used to. It's slowly working. Well, hope you all have a good 2010 I will see in august!

-Bater

Resolutions:
1. Grow a pair of eyes and a set of appendages.
2. Bust outta here at the appropriate time.
3. Learn how to sleep poop and cry.
4. Learn how to sit up and roll over.
5. Get my portfolio to gain an average of 15% a month.